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Transformations by LaurenRivers (critique requested)
From the back jacket
Dale Perkins, a male human, changed by an accident into a chakat, a hermaphordite felitaur, struggles to come to terms with a new body, new sensations, and a new sexuality. In doing so, shi learns more about hirself, hir new species, and how they fit into the mixed human and anthro society.
My Thoughts so far – Presented as a fish out of water story and a transformation tale, it covers the aftereffects of the transformation, a far more interesting story than the transformation itself, which far too often is reversed before the consequences must be dealt with.
Story Structure: Split into three main sections, though not necessarily three acts, the story opens with a problem that must be dealt with, and the struggles to solve it.
Dialogue: While largely containing realistic sounding dialogue, the only noticeable flaw in this area is Dale’s slurred speech disappears rather quickly into the story and does not return.
Overall: A recommended read for most transformation fans, despite its flaws. The hero, though passive, is forced into a situation he cannot walk away from and must learn to adapt to his new situation. The story is largely solid with no major fatal flaws after the first act. The drawbacks in my mind is that the main characters lack significant depth and the protagonist is mostly a passenger in his own story.
Submission Information
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- Rating:
- General
- Category:
- Literary / Other
Comments
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1) In that event, wouldn't that mean that the goods override the pattern in the buffer, Goldfur's, and thus mean Dale is dead? Buffers usually only store things temporarily, I would think just the last pattern unless explained otherwise, which I don't recall if it was. The situation feels rather contrived anyway, designed to provide the desired outcome with little setup to make it plausible and feel 'real'.
2) As far as I understand it, the receiving unit should have Goldfur's pattern. The sending unit has Dale, his mind, and where would the biomass be? If the sending unit was not damaged until everything it had made it out, this means there is no story because Dale is fine. Something had to be lost in the sending unit, Dale's old pattern at least. Since his things, Dale, and Goldfur are three separate transfers, this means...
A. Goldfur is beamed. The supplies are beamed, erasing goldfur's pattern. The plot fails.
B. Goldfur is beamed. Dale is beamed with the supplies and the transmitting unit sends everything. There is no need for the plot since Dale is fine. Since the supplies could not have gone first without overriding the matter for Goldfur's pattern, we must assume they are together. However, this leaves the problem of why did dale's stuff go, his mind go, but not his body, also matter in the same matrix? Assuming data corruption, possible but implausible.
C. Goldfur is beamed. Dale is beamed with no supplies. There is not enough matter to create the chakat body (or any matter, since the plot requires Dale's body be lost) and Dale dies.For that matter is the biomass necessary if it's been converted to energy that can be reconstituted into matter? Star Trek has shown instances where a second person is created without any such material.
While you are correct, that can happen and be believable, it is implausible for Dale to be as passive as he is for the whole story. He is an inappropriate protagonist, having done little or struggled through little that was not designed to make the story fit the circumstances.
I enjoyed it mainly because I like transformation, but on a logical and technical level it is not well constructed.
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I agree there are a few plot holes in this story. The following is my interpretation of events:
Dale sent his cartful of off-world goods ahead (separately?) for quarantine screening. Then Goldfur, then Dale. Dale's transmission sends his mental pattern first, but the physical pattern and biomass is lost when the transmitter is destroyed mid-transmission.
As for Star Trek and their transporter malfunctions.... I blame Gene Roddenberry.-
I suppose you could link the two systems together bridging two transporter units, but it is unclear and rather 'convenient', in that it doesn't feel like a logical cause for the plot. In addition, you don't see the actual moment, it is described after the fact, sort of like you don't need to see the character development moment of trying to solve the problem, but more like you're just dealing with the aftermath. It may have made more sense to see Goldfur solve the problem. It might've explained more, but given that this cannot possibly have been the first such malfunction in transporter history (due to its simple cause of an explosion/malfunction in the sending unit), it is unlikely this could happen as you would've encountered it when a starship exploded during evacuation or some other possible scenario.
After all, with systems like this, people test for every conceivable scenario, and I doubt malfunction on the sending end was not considered.
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Also, Forestwalker's profession: Forestry Dept. Biologist.
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Was this mentioned during the book in question, or assumed the reader knew it from other stories?
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Link
TomRedlion2
A couple of flaws in the plot section: 1) Dale's cartful of exotic goods were beamed down BEFORE Dale attempted to beam down. It was available to Goldfur to shove into the receiving array as replacement biomass. 2) It was the transmitting transporter that was damaged, not the receiver unit. Dale's mental patterns were transmitted before the biomass pattern was lost in the sabotage attack.
Other than that, I tend to agree with the overall review. A good read for transformation fic fans or for Chakat fans. But I gotta say: Sometimes a situation might come up in which the main character has little choice but to sit there and be a more or less passive passenger. Rare, but if correctly written, believable.