I hate the days that I wake and think I heard or felt you for a moment. The days that even though I am surrounded by others I still feel alone. It's been over a year now and I'm still not over it. I don't know if I'll ever be. I still look at pictures of you in the middle of the night and try to keep the sounds of me crying muffled. It's harder than I imagined. I tell people I love them even though I don't think I've really been able to love anyone since you passed. I can't feel that warm glow you get when someone says those three words to you. Or showers you in sweet whispers. I just feel numb to it all. I want you back so badly. I don't want to be alone inside anymore. I don't want to feel that I will never be able to find that happiness again. I miss you so much. I don't talk to you as often as I should. It hurts to badly to even say your name or speak of memories of you. When people ask about how things were when we were together or what kind of person you were I speak and make sure that pain is hidden. I need you back so badly. I wish I had gone with you. Every day before I sleep I silently pray into the stuffed sheep you got me our first Easter together that I might join you soon. Every morning I wake and wish I hadn't. I don't even think that what I'm doing now is even living. I laugh, smile, joke when I'm supposed to but I always just feel so hollow. So empty. I need you back so badly.