So as this has been going on for 2 years now and it is something I can't really control and I am really to afraid to get help with other than just local or online friends...
(note what you are about to read isn't doctor diagnosed I diagnosed myself)
I honestly think I have PTSD other wise known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Why? Well 2 years ago I was in a car accident something that almost took my life and my grandmothers. I was shaken up about it for awhile cause I really had no one to talk to and feel safe around when it happened other then my parents... My step dad laughed at me for crying which was really awful. I had extreme knee pain and hand pain and my grandmother had 8 fractured ribs that is nothing to laugh about. My mother was just more worried about that she had to leave a Christmas party to go to the hospital to see us and make sure we were ok.
I had not really a big number of friends around the time to talk about it either. So I had no one to talk to their either or people that even BELIEVED ME that I was in a wreck.. Which included some users here on FA I posted a picture of the car I was in for proof which in turn just lead to more teasing and harassment when I just wanted people to believe me... We rear ended someone who was playing with their GPS on a main highway because they were lost. If they would of drove down the road a bit longer they would have been able to pulled into Walmart and done that their but instead we totaled a car and almost lost our lives because of these people..

Now you know about that... let me explain the PTSD part of it. Ever since I was in that wreck 2 years ago I have been really frigidity. I have had a lot of close encounters with more cars on the road. People that don't know how to drive which then a picture in my head starts to play of a wreck and the person driving which is always either my grandmother, step dad, or mom driving dying. My mind doesn't make those images stop and it happens with anything. People threating to kill me those play in my head. People harassing me online, pictures of me meeting them in real life and them beating me up play in my head. I can not get my head to stop what I see and it really is killing me. I try to tough through it most of the time but I really don't tell people about stuff that bugs me for the fact that they laugh at me. People laugh at me for having a fear of being in cars for long periods of time and not wanting to drive.

so yea.. I am really sorry about this vent guys I really have no other way or anywhere else to post this cause I really just wanted to get this my chest for the pure fact that I had 2 panic attacks in one night on the way to the furmeet last night because of this and the whole time at the meet those pictures were playing in my head.

So once again I am sorry for this I try not to post vents but I really needed to this time