Hydroplane

It is peaceful on a rainy day

As I pass by the cars,

Hearing the rain tap on my roof

And thinking of how things have been

Going so well for me now that I see

The light at the end of the tunnel.

With a jerk,

Jolt motion,

Tap the brake,

Tell it to slow down,

Do I have control?

Control like I desire to have in life?

Tail spin right,

I feel the spinning,

The seconds begin,

Like last year when I contemplated

The last seconds of my life...

If only I was brave enough...

Hit the concrete wall,

A heavy impact,

My mind wonders how much

Damage was made on the body?

How much has already been ruined

When I took my first sip of my

Deadly concoction I made

Night after night when I wanted

To burn it all away in my mind

As I lost focus of time in my blurry haze.

Tail continues to spin right,

Impact pushes me,

Another jolting motion,

I face forward again,

Did I tell them I do love them both,

Only because they gave birth to me?

Did I tell my wonderful New York dream

How I love him so very much?

That if it had not been for him,

For his kindness to me,

Not because he agreed to be mine,

But because he respected me,

That he gave me a glimmer of hope,

A desire to live again?

Bump into the guard rail,

Lesser impact,

I gained control,

No one was involved but me,

It was a lie I tell myself,

Until they showed up at my door,

Showing me the emails by friends

Who did still care about me...

And I cried for myself,

Where was my life going?

Step out of the vehicle,

Mind spinning,

I can barely walk,

Yet I smelled the fresh air,

When I woke up and realized

A week after a sunny New Year’s Day

That life can be good after all.

I am alive after all the trials,

All the pain I have endured.

I survived the accident.