There's that moment of silence. You know the one I'm talking about. The one right before you know someone is going to give you bad news. Maybe it's just that your sister bumped her car into yours, or that your favorite vase just got smashed. The silence is all the same. But you always hope that it won’t be that one word. That one thing we all dread to hear because it reminds us of our very own fragile mortality. No one ever wants to receive the news of a death.

And why would we? No one wants to hear that someone dear, or even not, has left this world. That there will be no time for last minute goodbyes or one last hug or kiss. You sit and try to remember the last time you saw them, memorize every word they said or exactly how they looked. Death makes us feel guilty. Guilty for being relieved it's not us, or someone who might be even closer in our lives.

There are some for whom, death makes them wonder. Wonder about an afterlife, or how things might have been different, but I'm afraid that isn't me. Death makes me scared. It makes me angry, frustrated and helpless. I have never really been afraid to die, but losing those close to me is the most fearful thing I've ever experienced. I know that there is no making things better, and even time can only numb the pain of loss as it scars over our souls.

So, I hate that moment of silence. You know the one. Right before you receive that bad news, because you know that the news is going to be bad and a heart can only take so much heartbreak.