The Anaconda

Salutations once again! I return with more of my research notes on creatures of unusual size, formatted and collected for best reading. Today I have for you a run-in with such a being on the much more hospitable plane of Dominaria, which many of you I am sure know well. I, myself, was born in Shiv, but I do not plan on returning there, I am afraid… Many complain about the heat and the volcanos and the so-called “barbarian tribes”, and I can attest that all these things are incredible exaggerations, but I avoid the place for… Other reasons. Let us leave it at that.

    Forgive me for that tangent. This paper concerns not that part of Dominaria, but instead the dangerous swamps of Urborg. Many parts of Domanaria have dangerous flora and fauna, but what makes this mire dangerous is the stranglehold the Cabal has on the region. This cult is the latest in the long line of necromancers and other ne’er-do-wells to take a foothold in this land. Truly, a shame this place has such a bad reputation, as swamplands have such wonderful natural diversity and important natural processes… Which is why, of course, I decided to brave the area to do some research when I found myself back on this plane.

    Rumor had it around the region that these devious Cabal people were trying to tame some of the more dangerous wildlife. For what, I can only posit. Most likely they want to train them to attack people, or something vile like that. I refuse to cross paths with them, as much as I would like to know. What was especially interesting to me was that they were taming them with food, or so I was told. Of course, this is an obvious way to tame a beast, but something in my gut told me that this was related to the string of… Wider beings I have seen recently. So I simply had to investigate.

    This led me to days of lying low in the muck of Urborg, scouting for some of the more dangerous creatures the place had to offer. My brand-new set of hiking clothing got absolutely stained in the process; very annoying indeed. I checked nests and pits and trees and what have you. I believe a week or so in I finally found evidence to corroborate my theories.

    I had borrowed a rowboat from some locals, and was paddling through a particularly fetid marsh when I came across an abandoned vessel, slightly larger than mine. I was about to investigate its contents when I saw it. It was a snake, an Urborg anaconda to be specific, but at first I could not identify it. As it poked its head out of the swamp water, I saw its body just kept getting wider and wider as it grew closer! I froze, studying it. This snake was massive, in length but especially in width. This anaconda was so fat, I was at a loss to how it was moving at that girth… Perhaps the water helped. It sluggishly slithered up to me, bumping into my rowboat. I was terrified it was going to lash out, but instead it moved towards the abandoned boat. I could only watch as it casually began to swallow it whole! Slowly, the beast pulled the vessel past its jaws, where it would slip into its greatly-padded middle. I could see no bulges in the beast, it was so corpulent. And like that, it slowly and heavily slithered away.

    What a close encounter! But a concerning one. Usually, creatures of such girth do not live long in the wild. However, this one seemed to have been fed, and indeed, it was successful for being so fat. Have the Cabal put a spell on the wildlife, in addition to feeding them? Or is something more sinister happening? I hope to one day find out, but for now, it seems the rumors of the people of Urborg have been confirmed. Stay safe out there, my fellow enthusiasts.

        – Kavash of the Eye, planeswalker

At long last, we continue our little series, where we hit the "random card" button on Scryfall and draw the result fat as HECK. Many thanks to nixx for drawing this second installment! I love fat snakes. ❤ Here's to the next random creature!