I FOUND A PLACE!
I looked at a 5-bed, 2-bath house this past Sunday after seeing an ad on Craigslist. Utilities, cable, and Internet are all included with the rent. It's also in a quiet part of town and within a half hour drive from my new job. Housemates are fairly quiet but also friendly.
Since none of my other options seemed to have worked out, I decided on this house and paid my deposit. Rent is due on the 1st of each month, which shouldn't be a problem. I move in this Saturday so if anyone can lend a paw that'd be great. Thanks for your continued prayers, thoughts, advice, and well-wishes!