The Asylum Contract teaser pg2 by hattonslayden

The Asylum Contract teaser pg2

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why i main a Insect glaive

The Asylum Contract teaser pg3

The Asylum Contract teaser pg2

February 13, 2021 at 01:26:48 UTC

gasp! ....it's...IT'S...a TALKY!!!
yup lets hope i don't ruin everything with terrible dialogue

read everything i have done on my patreon or subscibestar first tier

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Views:: 224
Comments:: 6
Favorites:: 1
Rating:: General
Category:: Visual / Digital

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reedman on February 14, 2021 at 22:18:53 UTC

Minor grammatical errors, but solid work nonetheless
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  hattonslayden on February 15, 2021 at 22:08:04 UTC
  
  im a terrible writer so where are the grammar errors please?
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    reedman on February 16, 2021 at 02:40:43 UTC
    
    Your only issue is run on sentences. Breaking up the sentence length is great for reader retention. You can replace your commas with periods and it would help with that.
    
    Source: my old writing professor
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      hattonslayden on February 18, 2021 at 00:01:38 UTC
      
      thanks. next update i will do that. this book will be a lot longer so i will have to make it in several parts
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        reedman on February 18, 2021 at 17:52:12 UTC
        
        no problem. Feel free to DM me if you want someone to proofread.
        
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        hattonslayden on February 20, 2021 at 00:47:40 UTC
        
        i will be posting the SFW version on all my sites so that should work fine ')