Meelo
Day 39

“I’m sorry for being such a downer,” Seq apologized, as we strolled through the forest together in the darkness. I had hoped that taking a walk that night under the stars would have cheered him up, but so far he hadn’t even smiled.
I turned my head to look at him, but he kept his eyes forward on where we were going. “There’s no reason to be sorry, even for Callix and Isabel being gone,”
Seq’s ears drooped and his voice weakened. “I just… I could have done something,”
While placing my hand on his shoulder, I stopped walking and so did he. Seq turned his body and faced me. I turned toward him and we stood chest to chest. Tenderly, I laid my free hand on his empty shoulder and held him closely. As Seq’s eyes looked into my own, I could see the sadness and regret reflected in their rings. They had been like that ever since Callix and Isabel were taken. I hated how the very brown eyes that were once full of glee and spirit were now hollowed out by anguish. Why couldn’t he just be happy? Why had I not been able to comfort him the way I used to? It’s true what they say. Misery loves company.
My hands squeezed his shoulders firmly, letting him know of the sincerity in what I was going to say. “If you stayed behind, you wouldn’t be here right now. Riter knows that you’re my boyfriend and she probably would have killed you if you got caught. And where would that leave me, Seq? I’d go crazy not knowing if you were dead, alive or somewhere in between! I can’t imagine how worried you are about Callix and Isabel. You’ve known them since you were born. I haven’t even known them for two moons. Of course you should be more worried than I am. But, Seq, being worried is one thing, being guilty is another, especially if it’s for something that you isn’t your fault,”
Seq pushed both of his hands against my stomach and I stumbled back, releasing my grasp of his shoulders. His eyes narrowed and he snarled as though he were facing an intruder. “You don’t get it, do you?”
I lowered my arms and tried searching for the right words. “No. I don’t, but-”
“Exactly!” he snarled. “You don’t know what it’s like to kill two of your friends, who would still be here if I wasn’t such a damn coward!”
My tail frustratingly twitched and slapped against the lower part of my leg. “I just hate seeing you like this. You shouldn’t be beating yourself over something that was out of your control. There was nothing else you could have done!”
His fur bristled and his tail thrashed to the side. “Why do you keep repeating yourself like I’m a child?”
“You’re not a child,” I said, sourly.
“Then why do you keep saying the same exact bullshit over and over? Do you think that everything will just get better if you keep talking? Do Isabel and Callix get to come back? Or do you expect me to just be happy because you say so? You’re my boyfriend Meelo, not Taiya,”
“I just want you to feel better and I think talking about what’s bothering you instead of bitching about it will help!”
Seq raised his voice so loudly at me that I thought everyone back at camp might hear him. “I don’t want to talk about it! It’s bad enough that I think about it every moment until I go to sleep. I don’t need someone reminding me of badly I fucked up!”
I took a step closer while I clenched my fists at my sides. He was really starting to piss me off, but I had to be reasonable with him, so I didn’t yell back. “Last time I checked, a boyfriend was supposed to be able to talk with you. How else can I try to help you? Why shouldn’t I ask how you’re feeling?”
Now, his voice became even louder. “Because I’m telling you right now. Stop talking about it! Stop bringing it up all the time! Just shut up!”
I gave into my rage and finally screamed back at him. “Fine! I’ll shut up and just be the guy you like to fuck so you can fall sleep! I won’t say anything to you ever again. All I’ll be is a meaningless piece of ass if that’s really what you want!”
He closed his eyes as my words stung him and he slowly shook his head. His voice was much quieter now. “No. That’s not what I meant,”
I crossed my arms and snarled back at him. “Then what? What did you really mean to say?”
He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he hung his head down to hide the tears that began to creep over his eyelids. “I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while. It might do us some good,”
My heart sank past my ribs and into my stomach. All I had hoped to do that night was comfort Seq and make him happy again. Now it seemed that I had pushed him too hard and was suffering for it. I didn’t want Seq to be by himself, but I held my tongue. I had caused enough trouble for one night. “Okay. If that’s what you want to do,”
He gave a weak nod and we walked back to camp in silence.
When we arrived at Seq’s hut and he opened the door, I called out to him. “Good night,”
He didn’t even look back at me. “Good night,”
The door closed behind him.
I stood there, like a morn, staring at the door and imagined him coming back outside to hug me. He didn’t. The only thing that wrapped its arms around me, as I stood alone in the snow, was the chilly wind that night.
As I entered my hut and slammed the door behind me moments later, I walked over to the closest wall and punched the hard wood. My knuckles shrieked with burning agony and asked me why I had chosen to hurt them. I ignored their screams and hit the wall again, causing them to screech and beg for mercy even louder. I did this again and again until I was almost certain that my hand was going to start bleeding.
I stopped punching the innocent wall and sighed. Then, I turned around and stripped off everything, except for my trousers. After climbing into bed and waiting for sleep to take me, I couldn’t help but feel like the worst boyfriend ever.