Scout Report Cover Letter
Attn: Tactician Marron
From: Scout Cliron
Enclosed:
Report (Warshaman Hedron Defeated) - for Tactician Marron
Report (Phallumper Description Confirmation) - forward to Central Shaman Council
Report (Warshaman Hedron Valiant Stand) - forward Central Shaman Council
Report (Shadow Movements, SEALED) - for Tactician Marron

May this cover find you and your defense group well. While I doubt that my report on the Phallumpers’ biology will be met with any form of respect by the council, we may continue to try to convince them of the nature of these strange creatures. I am nevertheless grateful for the excuse of a mission from the Council to avoid being drafted into Warshaman Hedron’s ill-fated warband.

End of Cover

Report: Warshaman Hedron Defeated
Attn: Tactician Marron
From: Scout Cliron

Hedron’s attempt at assaulting the Shadow’s lair was nothing short of a complete disaster. After he attempted to draft me into joining his frontal assault on the River’s Bend Camp, I felt it prudent to follow and at least record what happened. His tactics were straightforward, lacking any concern for the camp’s natural defensive lines or unnatural means. The Shadows had quite obviously detected his approach, and I could count four that ambushed his group of ten. Under normal circumstances that would be heroically difficult odds, but as has been previously determined the camp has a supply of searing light weapons. To call this a battle would be like saying stepping on an insect was a fight, it was over in a single barrage of those monstrosities.

Of greater interest, however, is what seem to be several totems now surrounding the camp, which also appear to have some way of firing searing light without a Shadow directing them. Their ability to let loose searing light rapidly is also of great concern - these totems pierced his body several dozen (perhaps hundred) times before gravity could finish bringing him to the ground while the Shadows picked off the outliers of his squad. If these are as they seem, my evaluation is that this camp will never be assaultable, and should be given a wide berth.

I will compose a more palatable report for the council, as I wish to retain my head on the end of my neck. Your discretion in handling reports of Warshaman strike teams’ defeats in this region is appreciated as always.

End of Report

Report: Phallumper Description
Attn: Shaman Invrios, Central Shaman Council
From: Scout Cliron

Blessed be the Council, guiding us against the searing light and spreading the gentle warmth of the peoples’ lands.

Most spectacularly, I can confirm the seemingly impossible reports of the Phallumpers. I was fortunate enough to, with your wise and inspired directives, locate one of these creatures with due haste and a minimum of delays.

As previously reported, the males of the species seem dominated by their sexual organs, their development must have favored a multitude of penises in an attempt to impregnate their partner without any kind of subtlety. Almost centipede-like in their phalluses, with smaller limbs too small to be of any use in movement, they propel themselves forward by a wave of erections and deflations of their “array”. A passing small minotaur (the common variety) was unfortunate enough to startle the specimen I was observing, causing it to… for lack of a better word “squirt” its way backwards and clear of the perceived danger. While the common minotaur is not capable of much thought, it is obvious that this senseless and excessive ejaculatory retreat was quite traumatic to the poor creature.

I felt that, as my orders were to attempt to confirm or deny their existence and not gather additional details, tracking the male and further documenting mating practices was unnecessary. It is entirely believable after that display that their means of mating is spraying the female indiscriminately with their semen.

Blessed be the Council, guiding us against the searing light and spreading the gentle warmth of the peoples’ lands.
End of Report

Report: Warshaman Hedron’s Valiant Stand
Attn: Warshaman Master Viena, Central Shaman Council
From: Scout Cliron

Blessed be the Council, guiding us against the searing light and spreading the gentle warmth of the peoples’ lands.

It is my deepest regret to bear the heavy burden of reporting of the ambush of Warshaman Hedron’s squad. Son of the great Tactician Lady Marron, the Council could not have selected a Warshaman with any greater chance of success in his mission. While some of our greatest warriors have been felled by a single blast of concentrated searing light, it took an immeasurable number to bring Warshaman Hedron to the ground at the gates of the . We are lesser without him.

Blessed be the Council, guiding us against the searing light and spreading the gentle warmth of the peoples’ lands.
End of Report

Report: Shadow Movement (SEALED)
Attn: Tactician Marron
From: Scout Cliron

Ma’am, this one had better arrive to you sealed. Kinsiv is a good clerk and I trust her, but she has a tendency to leave things just sitting on her desk where someone could read them. You know as well as I that I’d normally include any Shadow movement details in my cover.

While jotting down notes on the Phallumper, just after the minotaur spooked it, I got a closer encounter with a Shadow than any of our warriors have. One fell on me from a tree. My survival lends credence to your theory that the Shadows of this world-shard are less concerned with killing us than they are containing our expansion of the warm light into the searing lands.

When I could sort out what was pressed against me, I reasoned that this particular one is female. At the very least, it certainly seemed like a breast that was pressed against my face, and aside from the waving tendrils (which on closer inspection appear to be tails) her body did certainly seem to fit within what we would expect.

There were two, actually. Both considerably shorter than me with their tails relaxed and kept closer to the ground, they seemed as interested in studying me as… well, the slightly less short one was appeared equally vested in pecking at the one that fell on me. I can only imagine that she was teasing her cohort about her clumsiness, I certainly would if a fellow scout fell out of a tree onto another.

Like other reports, their eyes are about the only thing readily visible on them. However, up close flecks of pollen and other debris made it possible to see a little of their figures. The slightly less short one was fairly proportionate to my wife, actually… were she shrunk to about two thirds of her height and width. The clumsy one, on the other hand, was considerably bustier. I would guess from this that Shadows might well have a wider range of body types than we do.

Both of them, I should note, did carry searing light weapons. My survival is not dependant on any form of skill on my part, but a lack of interest in killing me on theirs. While hard to see at range, it does seem they even went so far as to wave good bye to me upon their departure.

I doubt any formal agreement could be reckoned, but it seems your present tactics of keeping our tactical forces close are playing in the ceasefire that exists between us and the Shadows. Perhaps even they recognize the difference between our forces and Council warbands.
End of Report.