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This was originally submitted February 13th 2013 on my dA account (under my old username x-Angelos-x)
on dA

Lit submission
some days I hide behind
a laugh or a smile
sometimes you make me
forget for a while
maybe if I give you
my heart for today
maybe it will make
the pain go away
♥
so what do you say?

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☆if you want to read a description read between the stars beyond the stars is just written for one person so unrelated to all of you plus it's really long☆
☆☆☆
It's been over a year now but looking at this still stirs up so many emotions. I was really lonely.. I took a chance.. and my gosh it sure did pay off ❤
There is basically no grammar past this I wrote this half crying and shaking uncontrollably from nerves so .. yeah can't really expect much grammar when you're like that

To the most importance person in my whole world; to the cutest person in existence; this is dedicated to Andrew [MoochiBalls@dA] ❤❤❤
☆☆☆

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Please..read through this all before you say anything.. I will guarantee I'll be so nervous and scared and shaking so much after to link this to you that my English/grammar is just gonna be out the door ;w;" I'm shaking right now already a little even though I've just started typing

This must be weird especially after our conversation yesterday..
but..
Do you think..
maybe..
if I give you my heart for the day tomorrow..
Just for the day and we just stay good friends...
Not anything big..just..
if you don't find me that much of a bother..
make it a bit less lonely tomorrow?

I know we have the calc test tomorrow and you have it 4th right after lunch..
but if you're feeling ok.. (ok heck not like you really need to study you ace them all anyways)
maybe come by upstairs at lunch to the upper foyer where I eat lunch normally now with my friends and say hi?
My friend has been joking telling me I need a hug..
I don't think she realizes how true that is..
Would it be too much to ask for a hug? ;w;
I just need someone to be there to hold me tight and let me know I'm loved and get rid of the loneliness..
the sort of love you can't get from regular friends/family..
I don't really need much..is this a small enough favour to ask?

Please don't ask if I love you..I really don't know....what is love?
I do like you though
I like you a lot
Being around you makes me happy ♥
It makes me forget about how lonely it is for the time being
I don't know why but that's what happens
So please..don't ever leave me
Of course we both have to go to uni and you'll be at a different one quite far away after we graduate
I'll miss you, but what I mean is please
don't forget about me,
stay in contact,
stay a part of my life..

You know..I did really like our old class with Miss D I really did
I looked forward to math since it felt more productive compared to English
and I had lots of friends in the class including you
But slowly I realized I wasn't tricking myself any longer
I was also looking forward to math since that meant I got to see you
Being out in the portable wasn't that bad, yeah it got really cold
But that was also a reason to huddle together when the door was locked
and to walk back to the school together sometimes just us two since we're slow ;u;
When I realized I thought I'd grow out of it and it was just a silly thing
But it still hasn't gone away...

I saw Guardian for a brief while last night in my dreams and I'm not sure whether it's made me feel better or worse
I feel like I'm not being loyal..
I guess this is my workaround huh?
Just for a day..
Just as friends..
I hope it's ok..
It's been months since the last time I saw him...
that's the usual
sometimes it's been a whole year...
It's hard
It's really hard on me sometimes but I usually get through it ok
This month was different
My classes are arranged pretty badly and calc is already killing me
I thought I'd be happy with a fair amount of people I know/friends in most of my classes
But it's weird you know?
It feels like something's missing
I think you get where this is headed
And most nights..
Most nights I can't get to sleep easily (or less easily than normal; I never was too good at falling asleep)
Most nights I lie there and feel so lonely
It's a terrible feeling..
and I can't help but cry a bit to let it out

did you know?
Recently I see you too
I don't remember my dreams well; they're usually fragments
But almost every time..
I remember you were there..
That sounds sorta weird
But really
nothing even happened or anything out of the ordinary
it was a lot like waking life
you were just .. there
a part of the dream like everything else
Is this my brain's way of telling me something?

Sometimes I see you in the hallways..
I want to say hi but I'm too nervous and awkward ;A;
You're with your other guy friends and I don't really know them well
I don't want to embarrass you
I don't want to accidentally cry
Once I thought about saying hi recently but...
you know that feeling you get right before you get sorta teary?
I got that.. and decided I'd better not

I've wrote up everything I can think of right now..maybe if I can get the courage when/if I think of something I missed I'll add more via msn

So uhh..
hope to see you tomorrow...

If you see me in the morning on my way to class maybe just pretend you don't see me
I'm pretty sure your locker is right next to my calc classroom
I got a test as you know and I need to try and focus...
I'd rather not end up coming in crying owo
And sorry in advance if I cry and get you all wet if you do come see me ;w; Don't worry I'm ok so don't be surprised! I'm not really in control of my eyes >^<" I'll try to have some tissue with me... ouo" I think then they would be more like happy tears or relief tears... or something..so don't worry I'm not sad or upset...

Ok.. bye
ahhh
/rolls away
/hides

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Character (Angelos) belongs to & Art © Angelos || Ange-ll-os@dA

Patterns/texture from:
テクスチャ
gimei@dA

DO NOT REPOST, EDIT, COPY, USE, REDISTRIBUTE, "REFERENCE" or TRACE etc... My art/character is not for free use or part of the public domain! Use in any way, shape, or form without my written permission will result in me reporting it. All rights reserved. Thanks!