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Reaper Tales - Chapter 1 by aapur (critique requested)

Reaper Tales - Chapter 1

The rain was pouring down when the stallion arrived Ponyville. He was light red and had a Double A as a cutie mark, and his name was Director Cut. He was pulling a large wagon, filled with video equipment, a bed and a small kitchen. He stopped just outside the town, near the Evergreen Forest. He settled and looked up. Overhead were the Pegasus ponies busy with trying to settle the storm, but they appeared to be unable do so. He shook his head and walked into the wagon.

There were voices shouting outside. He poked his head out. Two guys from the royal guard was speaking with some of the others.

"Why isn't this storm stopping!" The leader of the two took a few steps forward.

One of the stallions sighed. "We can't stop it. This storm is beyond our control!"

"What about the elite squad?" The leader looked up as thunder flashed across the sky, knocking several of the Pegasus ponies down.

"They aren't responding."

"And Cloudsdale?"

"Sorry. We lost contact hours ago."

"Damn. And how many wounded are there?"

"Over half our squads are taken out. Several have died. This storm is like a curse or something."

Director sighed and moved back inside, leaving the Pegasus ponies and their conversation. He walked over to a carved box and opened it. There was a screen in the lid, and a wooden stick in it. The screen flickered and two red burning eyes appeared.

"You have anything to report, Horror?" the small speakers made the dark voice spark a bit.

"A curse. Somepony is offering their comrades to fuel the storm. They may be trying to flood Equestria." Director Cut closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Sounds like it. Why else would they try to make a massive storm?" a growl game from the speakers.

"I'll head up to Cloudsdale, sir. I'll stop this madness." Director picked up the stick and left the wagon, heading into the Evergreen Forest. He placed the stick on the ground in front of himself. "Transform!"

His eyes flashed and radiated a strong crimson light as his skin went crimson and his cutie mark turned into the image of a skull and a scythe. His hair crew long and black with crimson stars in it, and it floated like magic. His tail changed that way too. He also grew a horn, a pair of wings and he changed size. The stick had turned into a black and indigo dual bladed scythe. "It's Showtime."

He grinned a mad smile, and then he took flight, breaking the clouds like a jet, his scythe on his back. He turned and started heading for Cloudsdale.

It took him a minute recognize the city. It was a terrifying sight. The rainbow rivers were all blood red, and the streets were filled with corpses, all having the same fatal wound, a hole in their chest from something sharp. He stopped as he heard voices from two who were speaking.

"It's great, isn't it? We just need to kill this last one on the ancient altar to add the final charge. Equestria is entering the Days of Darkness." The voice laughed.

"Yes, but we must be careful. I've heard rumors of a Reaper…"

"Reapers? Are you kidding me? You really believe in those childhood stories?"

"But!"

"Oh shut up you foal. Let's just dump the body and get back to the others."

Horror rounded the corner. "I would suggest that you chose to listen to the stories." He grinned at the two, his scythe starting to levitate by magic.

"Shit!" The second guy, a black Pegasus pony, looked at the Reaper with fear in his eyes.

Horror grinned and the scythe shot forward, splitting the black pony in two.

"What the hay?" the other pony who was green started stepping backwards.

Horror laughed. "I forgot. The scythe also comes in return." There was another cutting sound and the scythe landed on his back again, and he walked onwards to the old offering altar.

The path down to it was old and dusty, and not been cleaned for years. It was dark but there was a trail of blood on the ground. He took it slow when he entered the room. There were three guys in there, and a filly strapped to then altar. She was already bleeding from several small wounds, and there was a sharp metal pole hanging over her chest. The pole was being lowered slowly. He sighed and sent out the scythe, cutting the pole off so it didn't do any damage. The three turned. They were all orange.

"Who's there!" they turned.

Horror Movie laughed and walked out. "I'm Horror Movie, and I'm here to stop your plans."

"You're going to die, like all the others!" the leader laughed and prepared a knife. "But first must I kill her so the altar will be charged." He laughed.

Horror growled and galloped forward, planting a hoof straight though the leader's chest, and he then kicked down the other two. He then released the filly.

"W-w-w-w-what's this?" she was scared. Her light yellow skin was almost white.

Horror sighed. "An ancient offering altar or before the modern weather control was discovered. That's why Cloudsdale is so inaccessible. They took earth and unicorn ponies and offered them to do so." He sighed and the scythe smashed into the altar, breaking it. "But I must be off. Please tell the truth when the royal guard comes. A Reaper can't stay." He stopped in the stairs. "Who are you, by the way?"

She was sweating, still scared. "I'm B-b-b-b-blue Thunder."

He smiled. "Blue Thunder, eh? That's a nice name."

Blue Thunder blinked, and he was gone.

Reaper Tales - Chapter 1 (critique requested)

aapur

About time I started uploading this here.

This is the first chapter, and probably the shortest and most badly written. I|ll be open for critique, though, hoping for people to actually help me become a better writer.

More chapters coming soon, in case you need to read more before giving critique

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