The plot is okay, if you fill in the holes,
And most shoes do not have souls,
Your tense occasionally shifts,
"He sifted the rubble," not sifts.
While rocks are rocky, and glass is amorphous,
I really think you should consult a thesaurus,

You are missing capital letters on all the names,
And I am fairly certain you meant clams, not claims,
is this supposed to be a sequence of thought?
Because look at all these sentence fragments you've got;
Also - a pulled tendon is not tenderized, it is taut,
And necrosis is most definitely not quite the same as rot,

Deer, this script is looking to be a bit shoddy,
And if the monster kills every body,
Then how does the protagonist know what is going on?
I don't think he'll piece it together from the bloody lawn,
And how come the collie is always the bad guy?
Honestly seen better from SyFy.

Scribbledeer is OhohFlamethrower:
Art is credit to FaeSeiren:
-- Original Submission may be found here - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11270354/