"What this town needs is a bit of fun! From now on, all travel will be done on skateboards."

Dear Mum (Mumma, Mummykins, etc)

SkateTown (formally known as Town) is a bit of a wild ride nowadays, and I'm having trouble keeping my feet on the ground, quite literally. That article you linked me... Its all true. Skateboarding is now the only way to get around. I don't think you should visit me here anymore.

I'm crashing about 60 times per day. It's madness!

Oh yeah, there was this one crash during my lunch hour. A hyena lady was speeding down the hill to my right. She was heading straight for me. I tried to jump away, but my board flicked off and collided with hers, sending her flying. I was still going really fast, so I tumbled right into her, mid-air!

Remember that horrible eco-coffee we had on your last visit? I was carrying TWO of those, and they BOTH spilled all over this lady and her SEX BOY™ magazine.

Guess what... I got her number haha :) she said she'd never seen such a foolish looking boy before, but also that I was kind of cute and that she owes me two coffees. What do I do? Should I call her?

All the best.

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NEXT: https://www.weasyl.com/submission/1336379/skate-call