Hello, everyone!

I just wanted to get on here and update everyone on my financial situation and where I need to be regarding commissions.

As of right now, my husband is not getting unemployment benefits. I mentioned in a previous journal why him and his brother were fired. Basically, it had to do with the "Lead Man" not liking my husband and his brother, and he made it very difficult for them to reach their part production quota. They were fired because of "bad reviews" regarding their low production numbers.

Come to find out, the company put them down as fired for excessive absences... which was far from the truth. My husband had vacation days left. It doesn't make any sense.

My husband talked to the unemployment benefits representative, and they basically said that there was nothing they could do about it. I'm not sure if they said that my husband will be DENIED unemployment benefits, but his brother received a letter stating that he was denied. So, we are just assuming...

This definitely affects how I work on commissions seeing that now I am the lead supporter of the family.

I believe that working full time as a freelance artist is VERY doable, but I think there are certain qualities a person has to have and certain circumstances they are in...

For me, I have a very hard time working full time consistently. I wake up every morning with a different mood. It all boils down to my psychiatric/whatever problems. I'm still not sure if it's Clinical Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, PMDD, Asperger's, OCD, etc... or a mixture of all. Who knows?

All I know is that I have a VERY hard time.

Let me see if I can explain how this works for me:

This may happen randomly or may be triggered by some thought. Let's pretend it is triggered.

I am walking around my in-laws' house, and it occurs to me that I am 24-years-old, married, and I have a 7-year-old son... and I am still living with my in-laws. I want to be in my own house... I want to be able to pay my bills on time... etc. etc... So, I get really pumped up and motivated to get online and get some work done... open up for a bunch of commissions that I am SURE I am going to finish within that month!!!

A few days to a week later, I can't even look at the computer. I don't turn it on. I don't go near it. I don't want to draw. I don't want to do anything. I want to make money. I need to make money. I WANT to be an artist... but forcing myself to do so gives me such extreme anxiety. I feel like I am forcing myself to step in a room full of clowns with knives on top of a swaying pier. (I am terrified of clowns and heights.)

I don't know what this is about, but it's almost as if I get burnt out or bored with my previous aspirations, and I fail. I fail so hard. I am not dependable... and it kills me.

I'm not lazy. I would like to think that I'm not lazy, at least... I CAN be lazy, but I don't feel like that is what I am dealing with in this circumstance.

I have so many things outside of commissions that I have to do everyday, and sometimes I think it's too much. I could go off and list all the things that I do in a day, but honestly, unless you're a parent, it's kind of hard to explain.

I really want to get a job outside of home, but it just won't work with my son's schedule... and then it would be very hard for my husband to get a job that would work with my son's and my schedule. It's a true headache...

The main point of me bringing all of this up on here is for advice... or guidance. NO pity, please!

Regarding commissions, this is my plan:

1. I am going to close commissions for now.
2. I am going to create a commission sheet with four basic examples.
3. I am going to raise my prices just a bit.
4. I will open up for deals in journals every now and then when I am in a great mood and can get it done that day.
5. I will work on my current queue in the time being. :D

So, what do you guys think?

I am hoping that this approach will be much more feasible since my ability to work really does revolve around my depression episodes/mood swings... or whatever they are. I just call it my weirdness.

Thank you so so so much for reading. I'm sorry for getting rambley... but I really needed to get all of this out!