GRIS ->SINEREOUS

GRIS ->SINEREOUS

If you've been following me for any length of time, you know that I haven't been able to make up my mind. And since I know username changes/ character changes really freak some people out I am going to apologize for making anyone uncomfortable and try to explain myself. If you could care less, feel free to skip this one.

What I went through a few years ago really threw me off the wagon re: my PTSD/ mental illnesses. I have been dealing with periods of severe depersonalization/de-realization and near-constant anxiety - especially about being online and posting art ( doubly so for weasyl for personal reasons). I was grasping at straws waiting for something to stick during the good times and tearing everything back down and hiding during the bad. All the branding and work I had done during that period made my stomach turn. I felt like I should stop altogether and just disappear more than once. I was sure nobody would give a damn.

It took suddenly losing my best friend and therapy animal a few months ago to finally kick me out of the cycle. It was tragic and awful and I wish it on nobody but it did bring back the tenacity and stubbornness I had lost. Being overwhelmed with that sadness actually overrode my anxiety and as I started to heal from the loss (still working on it) I started healing from the older trauma as well, and started thinking about how to "come back" as honestly as possible. New name, new goals, something that was authentic and reflected the changes I'd been through without reminding me of the bad in my past.

I clicked onto the gryphon because it has been my second-favorite mythological creature for years (I was an avid GG lurker for almost a decade ;) ) and because of it's symbolism re: heraldry. Same with the particular vulture I chose and even the particular colors. Mordez (Mord is fine!) is a visual reminder to me to survive, to keep going. I need that. None of my other characters are gone.

Gris is still my nickname and I still will answer to that or my actual name, but having it as an artists' moniker got old fast (can't count how many times people called me "grease" ). Sinereous ( just based on cinereous - which basically means the same thing) is my brand name, and I have been slowly building up what I want that to represent. Which is being a hardworking artist with fair prices, and giving back to the community I have been a part of for 15 years.

Thanks guys, for all your patience. Things are still shaky, and I might stumble a little, but I am going to really give it a shot this time.