The big news is that I'm going to do a species change. I know that, to some, that doesn't sound like too big a deal and certainly wouldn't warrant the amount of stress that it's put me under. To me, however, this is a very big deal for a number of reasons. If you'd like to know more, and even get to know me in the process, then continue reading below.

Primarily...
I have been a dragon for fifteen years, that's a large time investment into myself. Over those fifteen years, my avatar has changed pretty drastically from what it started out as:

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/56194057/Me%20by%20Reddie.jpg

To what it is today:

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/56194057/Winter%20Weight.jpg (NSFW)

All of these changes were in-step with who I was as I grew up from a kid into a man and then some. At least, that's what I continued to tell myself. This statement was true only for a handful of things. My size, shape, and weight were all increasing in real life. I had added quite a few piercings and tattoos all of which were meaningful to me and still are to this day. My gender changed as well, from that of being purely male to adopting the maleherm gender, which I still feel is largely true for myself in real life just as much as it is represented on my avatar.

This is where the similarities ended.

I noticed that, after a certain point in time, things began to change on my avatar that didn't reflect anything about me in real life. My avatar's size and dimensions, in general, began to exceed any realistic goals that I could ever aspire to and it became much more sexualized than I was capable of dealing with in real life. Eventually, I was left with an avatar which only vaguely represented myself, and it was hurting me.

Essentially, the first reason I decided to change my species is because I need an avatar that represents myself, and being a dragon no longer did so.

Secondarily...
The second reason that I decided to species shift is due in large part to how my beliefs have shifted over the years. When I was much younger, I was a religious individual. I call the particular religious idealism to which I subscribed "Self-religious." Being self-religious basically means believing in strange and often magical things to explain the unknown even if one doesn't quite ascribe to any one particular belief system in its entirety. That was me, at one point in time. When I was creating an avatar for myself, after having found the furry fandom, dragon just seemed to fit because I might have even styled myself a dragon trapped in a human's body. I'm sure you know people who share similar beliefs in that regard, if you aren't currently one of them yourself (or were one of them). No judgments here, it just no longer fits in with who I am.

Eventually, I became a scientist in the way I think and approach the world around me, though not in profession. I believe that everything is indeed possible but I follow where the evidence leads rather than blindly believe or have faith. I am still a spiritual person since I feel that being spiritual doesn't necessarily have anything to do with religion or magic or metaphysics. It has to do with what you believe and how it effects your thoughts and your feelings, regardless of its source.

Essentially, the second reason I decided to change my species is because my initial decision to choose a dragon as my avatar was based on self-religious beliefs that I no longer hold to be true.

Tertiary…
The third and arguably the most difficult part of this whole change to admit, is that I'm changing my species because I used my former species to really stoke the fires of my addiction.

Most of you don't know this at all, but I have a porn addiction. Not as in "lol, can't stop jerking off" it's more like a serious, extremely stressful illness that has felt inescapable for years and years now. Looking back on all fifteen of the years of being in the fandom all stretched out behind me, it's difficult to pinpoint where the addiction really started, but there are definite red flags that I remember as early as the first few years that I was in the fandom. I won't say that this is the fandom's fault at all. Yes, as furries, we are all a little sex-oriented (as much as many of us would like to try and deny it). That doesn't mean that all of us are headed for the garbage can that is porn addiction. Many of us do just fine with the inundation of porn when it comes to our real life sex lives. I'm just not one of those people who was so lucky.

That aside, I discovered my addiction four or so years ago now and have been fighting against it ever since. If you have never had a genuine addiction before, then you will never understand how impossible it is to fight against an addiction. Yes, it is possible to heal, but ultimately you are fighting an uphill battle against yourself 100% of the way and it gets easier by extremely small degrees the further along in your recovery that you go. It isn't even just a matter of willpower either, because the insidious thing about an addiction is that you need whatever it is like you need to breathe or you need to eat.

Because of the long battle, many folks whom are going through addiction recovery begin to demonize something that seems to be an outside influence, even if it all comes from within. I began to demonize my dragon avatar. In fact, I not only demonized it, but I also began to realize that it was starting to represent my worsening issues, growing into a more and more grotesque and kink-riddled vessel through which all of my issues could flow without my being able to stop them. I eventually realized that I had to put a stop to it.

(Disclaimer: My addiction is a thousand times better now than it has been and the fight continues to go very well for me despite occasional slip-ups. Thank you for your concern!)

Essentially, the third reason for my species shift is that my current species and avatar in general has accidentally become an inextricable part of how I view my addiction.

My species now…
I've been mulling it over for about a year now, but I feel that I relate much more to an alligator than a dragon. Specifically, an albino American Alligator. I've always really liked alligators and crocodiles in general, but the personality of the American Alligator has always seemed to fit with me (reserved, watchful, powerful, and hungry). Additionally, Alligators have been closely associated with Vaudun, which I've always been fascinated with the aesthetic of. Plus, I mean, look at this throat:

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/56194057/Maw.jpg

My new avatar is going to be a size at which I could obtain if I continued to work hard and put the effort toward growing that big. It'll also be much more 'me' in terms of my likes and dislikes. The personality may not change a whole lot since I always put my personality first no matter what form I take, but there you go.

Possible FAQs…
1. What is going to happen to your dragon avatar?

It's being phased out of existence. The way I see it, my dragon avatar is like a glimpse of the younger me. Pictures of it exist as a reminder of where I came from and what I used to look like, etc. Imagine if you were looking at a picture of yourself when you were much younger. It's you but it's a totally different version of yourself and not really representational anymore. Basically, it's been fun, but it's not really me anymore so it won't be seen much if at all from now on.

2. What does this mean for your art galleries on FA and Weasyl?

I'm going to start taking down the old pics on both of those accounts. I'll do it slowly, maybe only one or two a day or week, but eventually they'll all be gone. I will start from the oldest pictures and work my way to the most recent ones, so it'll definitely be a while. Hopefully, by the time I reach the end of them, there will have been many more pics that include my new self in them to replace those old pics.

The same goes for my Twitter account as well, going to be phasing out the pictures there and the icons and banners of any accounts that bear the old likeness while replacing them with the new.

3. How does your husband feel about this change?

Not only does he support my species shift, he is also ready for his as well. We have both talked for a while now about making these changes and are simply ready for this new stage in our lives. I'll let him make the announcement himself when he's ready, though.

4. What about keeping the dragon on as an 'alt character' to be used?

First of all, one of the big reasons I'm doing this is because I don't want to be this dragon anymore, period. Additionally, I'm not a multiple-avatar kind of guy. I think the whole idea of having more than one representation of myself just doesn't work for me. I can't do it and really don't want to try either. There is only one me, and so there can only be one avatar and it has to be representational of me.

5. You mentioned that your old avatar was very fetish-riddled, does that mean you're actually less-kinky now?

No, not really. With the new avatar, my kinks are going to condense to things that I actually like and push out things that I don't. I feel like, at this point in my life, it's time to be more honest about the things I enjoy from now on. The kinks I do have are pretty obvious if you know me, however. If not, feel free to ask!

In conclusion…
Thank you all for taking the time to read this huge presentation. I know it was a lot to chew through, but I figured there would be those of you whom were interested in getting to know me a little better while I go through this whole process. I know there are going to be people out there who are disappointed in this change, but I don't really care. My decision to be an alligator is not based on what other people think but how I feel about myself, and if that doesn't suit you, then you know where the door is.

For those of you whom are still around, thank you for supporting me. I know you might never understand all of my reasons or even that something like deciding which species you are is important to self-identity, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

Anyway, if you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask, you know where to find me and how to get ahold of me! New ref sheet of myself will be ready sometime in the very near future!

-Segremores, Bokor of the West Coast.