So yeah, for a while before I hadn't figured out just what to call what I need. I suddenly thought of if as I realized how versatile I need a person to assist me. I need a damn minion.

I reason since I'm neither very talented or very likable, I don't have sycophants. Not sure I want them, but damn it would be easier if the option were there. I figure sycophantic people are just abusers in wait, like groupies or what not. I've always dreaded them, like getting a virus that slowly alters your brain and makes you think you need it. I don't want that at all.

To the point, I may need someone to tell me when I'm being stupid. Or dramatic, or when I'm being lazy. I will need someone who can check on what I'm working on, read the shit I'm writing and generally keep me on task. Well then I realized I probably need someone who can listen and follow orders and think outside the box. Then I realized other things I would want that person to do and the only job title that came up was, 'Minion'.

How the hell do I go about getting a Minion? Do I need a cape, I'm sure I don't look good in a cape. Partially, I've come to the conclusion that it's impossible to find all the qualities I need in just one person, or rather, one person who isn't already using those qualities to assist someone more worthy.

So here is my Dilemma, I'm probably a C-List Villain in need of an A Rated Minion. How do I go about that. I'm sure if I were wildly handsome, overly talented, the least bit charming or charismatic or even inspiring in some way I could probably reconcile this whole thing. But what do you do if your me? Give up and say, hey that's just not something you can attain. I mean I'll be real, by 15 years of age I realized I was never gonna date a damn Beyonce, wasn't ever gonna be a social butterfly nor was ever going to be the kind of guy that so sexy he bangs married women as a past time. Is this one of those things that's just, I dunno, unrealistic?

All kidding and hyperbole aside, I'm kind of bummed. I'm fast realizing that my ambitions far outweigh my abilities and even those I can attain I wont be able to attain without help. And I don't mean financially, I mean that, but no... I mean. I need a damn minion. But I don't think that's possible. Does that mean I have to reroute my dreams because theirs just not enough time in the day to manage all the sinister soups I got my hands in.