Ugh, I just got back from an appointment with a psychiatrist, though I should really say I just got back from an appointment with his assistant.

The assistant asked a few questions pertaining to the questionnaire I filled out before my appointment. I was honest about the fact that I have had occasional thoughts of suicide, and tried to be clear that I didn't have these thoughts all the time. She asked about my thoughts of harming myself, and I tried to explain that I visualize myself being eviscerated (which she didn't even know what that meant!) but that I don't necessarily think about actually doing these things. They are mental rituals, not physical ones.

All this took about five minutes, and the doc came in just to get the abridged version and she kind of distorted some of what I said. She recommended that I be sent to the hospital and he just went along with that.

I ask if they meant I be sent to a facility right then and there. They said yes, because they didn't think I would be safe driving home on my own. Yeah, five minutes of communication and suddenly I have to be locked up for a few days?!!! Absolutely not.

I informed them that I was NOT thinking about hurting myself at the moment, and I had a job to get to. They told me they could file paperwork for me with my employer. Excuse me, I just said no. They relented but told me they want me to go to a facility for treatment for 3 hours a day every day!!!

Holy shit, I know I'm not the best put together person, but I am NOT in need of being tethered to a hospital like that. I have made it this far without killing myself, I think I can drive home without taking a nose dive off the tollway.

Wasted visit, wasted money.... never going to that doctor again, and now I have to find someone else.