Well, I though I'd open with something so here's...

What the fuck did you just fucking say about being heartbroken, you little brat? I’ll have you know I was the last my class to have a sexual encounter, and I’ve been involved in numerous tears, and I have asked over 300 girls out with rejection following. I am educated in all subjects but social skills which I had to learn the hard way and I’ve been fighting for it like the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another douche with more luck than she deserves. I will teach you to appreciate what you got with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying how your years-long relationship with frequent romantic activities didn't feel like a Hollywood movie to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of relationship experts across USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your ego. You’re fucking told, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I tell you over seven hundred things more important than losing your virginity, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in pleasing myself partnerlessly, but I have accounts on the entire arsenal of dating sites and I will use it to show the full extent of heartbreaking tramps like you, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy reality check your little “sympathy needing” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the emotional price, you goddamn idiot. I will outfeel you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking told, kiddo.