I know I've been through a lot of relationships over the years, and it may seem cheap to those who've watched me go about them.

And I've been up and down as well, through emotions and conflicts and troubles. But this time it's been different.

I've never felt more lost or misguided in my entire life. I've never ever felt more broken down or like a failure or something.

Two years were spent leading up to the happiest I've ever felt with another person since I became a Crux, the most motivated I've ever been.

They pushed me to start taking better care of myself, to pursue my craft better, and overcome fears.

For example, I finally got over my fear of driving and got my license, just for them. I didn't tell anyone yet as it was meant to be special.

We broke up, and it's clearly affected my mood, my output, my work, all sorts of shit. And I'm sorry to my friends who've helped me.

I'm not going to go and drink myself to sleep, or hurt myself, or anything stupid. I just want to cry.

These last two weeks have been shit, not just because of the breakup but other stuff going on. I really could have used him here right now.

Someone to tell me it's worth putting up with all of this shit, and to keep going despite how little hope I have. But it's not there.

I'll get over it soon I would hope, but right now I really do apologize for how awful I've been lately.