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I have returned! by TwelveWounds

A whole lotta bitching here. A whole lot. I bitch well. I bitch about everything. That is what I do. My ID says "the bitcher" because I complain about every fucking thing in my life. So be warned if you don't know me. I bitch too much.

***********Bitch fest below.... last warning*********

So while I traveled back to Canada from the US it was a tearful goodbye and perhaps a tearful "I don't want to fucking go back" but hey... life is full of unwanted setbacks. Even if they come in the form of another roommate who just can't let me create even if I have told her that I need to do this creating thing.
I don't know why roommates like to rip away any uniqueness I thought I did have. "I've lived with artists before" "you're not special, you know. I've known artists." What kind of air am I creating here that I somehow claim to show that living with me will get them some kind of benefit card?
I am not special. I don't show anyone my artwork. Not anyone. I don't see how their getting into my business and being extremely creepy by looking for me online somehow gets me the impression that I am trying too hard here. I mean, if you have to fight tooth and nail and spend hours looking for me online, does this mean I'm trying too hard to make anyone see my stuff?

I am not special. I am not a good artist. Please stop mistaking my behavior for selfish promotion. I suck. There, you heard it right from the fish's mouth so stop trying to cut me down. I'm already at the bottom of the well, ok? I can clearly see your underpants from here.

Dunno about you guys but this roommate, although she's helped me out a lot and although I am stuck with no job here and no money, asking for every extra hour I have to spend with her watching movies (we don't share the same interests) or eating dinner (preferably the food I buy because she wants to share food and wants me to call her whenever I make myself something to eat... whoooaaa no-ness. A whole lotta nope going on here.)

We're just roommates and I'm just renting space here. The furniture in this room isn't mine and the pictures on the wall aren't mine. This room isn't mine it's just a really expensive room for rent in a very big impersonal city that doesn't care about other people. (I'm paying $800 for this room here. That's just the room. No expenses included) With this expense I also have to become lapdog/pack mule.
I came home Weds morning but was physically unable to do anything due to carrying too much shit. Entirely too much shit.
I had a conversation with the roommate about cat litter and what was easier on my back but she wanted cheaper. She wanted an option that didn't stick to the clothes she carelessly left on the floor. So we switched to clay, despite my pleading that this will hurt my back. So I come home and she emails me (FROM THE ROOM BESIDE ME) that the litter is so heavy. (NO SHIT) and that it was hard for her to take down the stairs so she wants me to take 3 weeks worth of litter down today for the compost. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I rested more and more. Possibly going to take a shower since carrying five 20-30lb bags from the bus depot had literally worn me out. Took me 2 hours to get home from a 15 minute subway ride. And I fell twice on the subway. Three ladies ended up helping me out.
So this morning the roommate emails me again saying I should have asked her to come down (You know, so she could decline because she apparently has pneumonia and is curing it with a puffer. Or so she says...) <--- So the cats have not been fed properly in 3 weeks. Hence why they've been ripping open bags of hard food that she casually leaves in the middle of the kitchen floor. This kitchen looks like hell.
So she says that the house hasn't been touched in 3 weeks because she's had Pneumonia. :|
The house smells of cat piss. Cat piss everywhere. The cats are going nuts because the litter boxes haven't been cleaned in 3 weeks. They are going everywhere. More chores for me. Great. I love coming back to stress.
Not to mention I have to continue my job search. -sigh- I hate my fucking life. I really do.

I have returned!

TwelveWounds

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    I really don't understand why all your room mates are complete irresponsible jerks. They completely take advantage of you. You're not their slave simply because you live with them, that's not what renting space is. They aren't supposed to invade your business but she sounds like she is just being lazy and now using a serious illness as an excuse. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, Grim, and I hope you can find some place where people won't be completely selfish and force you to struggle so much.

    I hope the best for you, I really do. You can pull through this.

    • Link

      In all my 14 years living alone, I have not lived with one Canadian that was easy to live with.

      Life is tough. Life is real tough. Somewhere out there lives millions of people just like me going through the same problem.
      This scares the hell out of me.

      Sometimes it feels like I'm traveling up hill in mud wearing gum boots in the rain carrying a wooden cart of problems on my back. Every day of my life it gets heavier.

      I don't know. Maybe she thinks this is the kind of mother I had. One that forced me out. But no. Actually. She encouraged me to create. Encouraged me to do my thing.
      I think what scares me is, I'll never find anyone like that. I'll never live in peace unless I'm on my own. Then it just gets lonely and I turn into clingy monster. I don't want that.

      On a side note: this woman eats entirely way too much food in the span of a day. She'll eat an entire loaf of specialty bread (my friend got her apricot bread so she wouldnt eat my cinnamon bread) ---in a day along with three cans of soup, two cans of fish, half a box of crackers and two bags of milk.(roughly half a gallon) this woman wants to share food but I'm the one that has to buy it, pick it up from the store, carry it up three flights of stairs, put it away or cook it for her. I'd come home from a 13hr shift and head to bed and she'll ask me to heat up some beans. Bitch I ain't even in the kitchen. She doesn't even DO anything all day but snaps back at me with "you can't even open a can, put it in a bowl and put it in the microwave?" Shit woman. Your god gave you two legs, use em. I've been on mine for over 14hrs. Fuccckkkk. She also claims she has agoraphobia so she doesnt have to take the garbage, compost or recycling out. If she can go down to rescue her precious bag for recycling (that she leaves in the middle of the floor for me to trip on) and if she can take transit to go to church everyday, she does not have agoraphobia. Wtf.

      I miss Kentucky. I miss my mom. I miss her telling me "you mean I have been the only person to ever be able to live with you? You're not even that hard to live with. Wtf is wrong with Canada?" Simply put -- wtf is wrong with Canada. :|

      I guess I keep doing what I do. Look for a job, get job, pay off gross debt, move out, have another shitty roommate, look for a job, move out, shitty roommate. 14 years of this cycle. I am frustrated and tired. With each move it becomes another major set back.

      Thank you for your comment Arch. Sorry you had to read all that. I need to stop complaining and do something. I need to find a better way to talk to people. If people can't live with me I need to find a way to be liveable. I need to clean up me and be a better person. I think that's my life lesson. Be a better me.
      Thank you for listening. Thank you for reading my rant. And sorry for this one too.

      • Link

        Grim. It's hard. I know it's hard for you. It might get lonely living by yourself but maybe it is for the best because everyone you do live with is an inconsiderate prick, to put it lightly. No one has been nice to you. Every time you have a room mate they completely take advantage of you and that is not fair. I think your best course of action is to find a place you can live alone, if possible.

        If she eats too much food then ignore her. I know she is your room mate but you are paying rent too. You are the one who goes out and buys the food and brings it back. You need to put your foot down and say no and that you are not her slave and that she has legs and she can use them. Agoraphobia has nothing to do with this. If she doesn't want to take out the trash, whatever, but you know what? She has legs and hands and fingers. She can make her OWN food if she wants to eat that much. You are not her slave and you need to let her know that. You both pay rent so you have every right to your opinion to not be pushed around.

        I believe in you, I believe you can get through this until you find a place where you can make your own rules about what you want to do with the place you live.

        It's okay to complain, I'm here to support you and listen to you vent. Hell you can vent to me on AIM if you want, you know? I'm always here to listen.