I should be sleeping. Especially tonight. I'm not even sure what to say. It has been what, over a decade? I dunno, I'm not that good at counting the years. If anything I'm grateful the internet can do that for me. Though as much of a simpleton I tend to be no matter where I am, I'm glad I can see change and development throughout the years.. at least.

Though for those many years I've felt like crap. In the past it was about the disturbance of family affairs and the thought of loved ones I thought I could never keep at the time. Now it's from the many, many things that you've done for me, because I feel like it'll be an eternity before I can pay you back. You are basically once of the 5 people that have saved my ass countless of times, whether I ask for help or not. And every time I do, it honestly doesn't feel right.

"But that's what true friends and family is for, right?"

That's just it. That's what has got me thinking recently. Actually no, I was thinking of this for the last couple of years. It plays on my head like a bad song. I mean anyone can say that after-school special stuff, but it always feels weird and uncomfortable for me. Like if I just simply go "Okay!" and move on then it just feels like I'm not caring about the favors, like if I'm a kid that has no idea what just happened. I'm tired of being that ungrateful brat. Besides, that's one of the major plans I've had while I'm here fixing my life: Repay personal debts, conquer possible anxiety, find a good waifu (or be one, I have no idea at this point), learn another language, and everything else I can't think of. My clock says 4am so I can't think so well.

Bleh, I'll just get to the point: Whether it's technically or figuratively or literally, you're the closest to a mom that I've ever had. I love you.

In a few hours I'll be helping out with this voyage to who-knows-where. I do know I will visit from time to time, but I have no clue where will I go in the future. I'm really dreading the future...