Watched "Taken 3". Okay popcorn flick on the whole, but, well, the "Everything Wrong With" guys are going to have a field day, y'know?

Long story short: If you do decide to watch it, watch it cheaply or for free, at home with people with whom you can make fun of it. Because it'd actually kinda be worth it that way.

SOMEWHAT SPOILERY FROM HERE ON IF YOU SOMEHOW CARE AT ALL ABOUT THE PLOT IN LIAM NEESON'S LATEST SUPERHERO FLICK.

Seriously, Liam Neeson is established as a superhero in this movie. He has teleporting powers. He will pop up out of nowhere to suddenly track someone in a car. He will appear unhurt, with no explanation, after the car he was clearly in just got pushed off a cliff, tumbled down, and exploded.

Yes, this is the kind of movie where cars explode when they suffer damage. And boy, do they really freaking explode. Cars are basically more volatile than a truck full of nitroglycerine. If there was a truck full of nitroglycerine, people would be more worried about the truck bumping into things than the actual explosives.

They do not explode from the gas tank. They explode from the driver's compartment and the trunk. Giant explosions, moments after they landed. This is the kind of movie where one of these cars, having fallen down the elevator shaft, causes the entire side of the building to blow up.

It's a movie where I can't tell if the writers and director and producer just said "fuck it all" and decided to actively go for the dumbest, loudest action cliches out there, embracing them wholeheartedly, or if they just didn't care and let immensely dumb stuff through so they could get the movie out, cash in and go home.

Some of the action scenes make me think it's the latter. You know that "cut rapidly between perspectives to make action appear actionier" style of directing? Yeah, this movie goes over the freaking top with this. In half the action sequences, I only had a vague idea of what was going on, because the viewpoint literally changed every half second. Also half the camera angles were up someone's nostrils or staring at the back of their face.

There's a car chase. Well, several car chases, but this one's hilariously terrible. It employs the cut-every-half-second technique so much, it's just a blur of cars flashing by and sometimes bumping into each other. Now these two cars are jostling. Now they're not. That car just turned. One car flipped over for some reason I don't know why. That car's driving oh wait there's a trailer truck and it's drifting. Which direction is it coming from? I don't know. Bear is driving, how can this be? The truck is covering most of the road as it slides and I guess it was coming from the other direction because Liam Neeson's car just managed to slip past it even though we never saw him and it in the same shot before this. A container on top of the truck breaks loose and rolls along the freeway, flattening about five cars without any people in them, or nearby. Because I guess people just park their cars on the freeway in the middle of a rapid police chase.

Later on, in a separate sequence, there's that car tumble down a cliff where Liam Neeson teleports out. Except I couldn't even tell that it was Liam Neeson in the car, because I had literally less than five seconds to digest that 1) the car he was in was tracking another car and 2) that was him in the car. The latter fact is shown to us via seeing his face for about one single second. I blinked and missed it, literally. So I was left with a view of someone crashing a car into another car, that car tumbling down the cliff and blowing up, and then Liam Neeson climbing up completely unfazed. I was actually wondering if he was just nearby watching or something at first.

This is a movie where a bad guy can drive onto the airfield of a municipal airport unchecked, and get into his private airplane where his two pilots don't even seem surprised that he's got a gun pointed to the hostage's head. This is a movie where one of the main bad guys is involved in a lengthy gunfight with Liam Neeson where he spends about 500 bullets trying to nail him, and then when he finally has his gun on Liam Neeson's head he doesn't shoot, but he instead tells him to "get up", and then waits for several seconds so Liam Neeson can catch his breath and punch him in the nuts.

I guess I'm not seeing enough terribly directed action flicks, because I'm actually more entertained talking about this movie's faults than I was watching it. Hey, got my money's worth, then!