I woke up having a bad panic attack and had to call into work.
At first mom was like oh god lemme help you. But then she was like you're letting everyone down and will probably be fired.
I call in "Uh you know it's black friday? Christy will probably have to talk to you"

Look I am fucking trying okay. I spend most of the time trying to block out the fact I have been wanting to put a fucking bullet in my head for years now. I am scared, I am confused, and I just want it to stop.