So I've been a bit scarce. But that's because two kinds of grim reaper has been hanging over this house.

The first one:

We were relieved and happy that my mother got taken on to care for my Step Grandfather (Her husbands dad) since she really needed the income after losing her job and taking on a mountain of medical bills after suffering ischemic colitis.

He'd fallen and hurt himself and needed to be cared for during the day while his wife was at work by my mother. We all knew it wouldn't last since he was bound to get better due to the physical therapy.

However. A week after she was told he could take care of himself now and was let go. His wife came home to find him cold, stiff and dead on the couch.

It was a beautiful funeral. Very long, very beautiful.

It's the only time in my fifteen year history with my step father that I'd seen him cry.

The second one:

Our beloved cat Kiki has gone from a plump spoiled thing to skin and bones over the last few months. Of course we knew.. She's a good few years over 20. She's the family cat of course but she has always been my step father's baby. Any given time of day he'd be snoring away in the chair down stairs with her on his lap or curled up in bed asleep with her on his chest.

On the same day as his father's viewing I came down stairs early in the morning to find him in the kitchen. Frowning and looking at Kiki laying on the rug. He noticed me and said,

"She's not gonna last much longer. She's 'bout dead."

That's just the way he talks. Few words as possible. I looks at her and her eyes were wide. She couldn't get comfortable and would change her position to lay a different way and her head would THUNK to the floor because she couldn't keep it up.

I stood by him and cooed at her. She picked up her bony body and limped over to me. I felt bad.

"I didn't mean for you to come all the way over here, Kiki.." So I smoothed my fingers over her coat. I could feel every sharp bone. Her spine was like a saw blade.

"I'll be surprised if she makes it through the day." My Step Father said.

Well she did.

Before I went to bed that night after the viewing I got down on my hands and knees and pet her. Kissed into her fur a few times. And told her good night.

My mother found her at about two in the morning after that when she got up to check on her. Very cold. Very stiff.

The next morning was the Step Grandfathers funeral. So we had to gently store her until we got back home.

My Step Father buried his Dad and his cat baby on the same day.

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Some of the flower arrangements from the funeral were for him so they were brought home. They brought the funeral home smell with them. Sickly sweet with a bit of bitter chemicals. All through the house.

These are not good times. I am not in good spirits and it's hard to find the inspiration to soldier on.

So much death. Mom has no income now. And I still have a back log of commissions to do before I can even make more for rent/bills.

I know I have to snap out of it soon but everything is just so very heavy here.

So if I haven't been talking with you lately this is why and I'm sorry.

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