i cant even think right..

im so pissed off and offended idk

not mad at anyone im just
hurt? offended?

idk..
i just

ugh

i dont even know what to type about
theres so much in my mind
i wanna leave art sites all together

i cant
handle
all of this.

i come to my art sites to relieve stress.
to be happy.
to be in a world where i can just draw and be happy.

and i cant

every twist and turn
destroys me

more and more
effecting my soul
my heart
my emotions

im becoming bitter and angry towards lots of things.

loosing my peaceful loving drive..
i just want to scream and throw things and hurt people

which isnt me

it was high school me, but.. not me now..

but its becoming me again?

i just have all this emotion and hurt built up
and it keeps on building up
im gonna freak out

and im tired of freaking out
and having panic attacks

im suffering.
no one else is suffering from current situations except for me.

im caught up in too much
and i cant keep doing this

i try so hard

and others try so little
and what they try so little for
completely overrides my hard work.

everything i work for is for naught.

ugh........

life..............

anyway..................

i guess im gonna go to bed or some shit.
wanted to draw, not gonna happen.

now or ever... idk

i may just quit

raise my white flag and go.

i just...
ugh...
i cant even...

i cant go anywhere or do anything without so many negative things coming crashing down on me.

crashing hard, shattering me. breaking me down to rubble.

maybe im what they say
maybe im not

but people are gonna say what they say and i cant change it.
even if i try as hard as i can.

I want to be unemotional.
but instead im just...
depressed and angry...

i get the short end of the stick every time.

peaceful night please visit me.

Bo makes me happy.

and i love that, i love him.
but i want to be able to do things without him that make me happy.

and i cant even do that because i do that thing, that makes me happy, and somehow someone manages to bring that down and make me want to give it all up.

"oh tooth, you cant let people get to you."
"oh tooth, it'll pass."
"oh tooth, everything will be okay just prove them wrong."

none of that above is logical

i can stop people from getting to me to an extent. eventually it takes a tole

it wont pass. things like this havent passed for 20 years they wont overnight, or ever

it wont be okay. and i cant prove anything to anyone who doesnt want to listen.

im just fed up
im broken down
i cant get up

this road is too long
and the miles are taking a serious tole on me.

i just..........

............

............

...............fuck.