So, the cast is off and sitting on the top of the cabinets here in the office... I want to keep it as a reminder of what anger can do and also as a warning that I might not be so lucky next time if I lose ability in my drawing hand.

But now that it's off the rehabilitation can begin. Already after doing a bunch of the stretching exercises I was given to do I'm feeling a little more limber in the wrist and hand... It still hurts a bit but it's more that "good hurt" you get from a stretch. Still shouldn't push myself too much though because I really don't want to risk causing damage by going overboard.

But when I got home I tried to do a sketch. Didn't quite work out then because about halfway through getting the structure of the face set up it was getting to be too much and the hand was yelling at me. Now that I've had a nice, long, hot shower it's feeling better... still stiff but that's the price I pay for having piss-poor anger management skills.

And the shower was very cathartic. As anyone that's had a broken bone and had to have a limb in a cast probably knows, there was a rather thick layer of dead skin that was really nasty and gross so being able to scrub a good amount of it off was more than welcome and I was really delighting in the feeling of the shower-poof-thingie on the very tender flesh. It was like my sense of touch was magnified. That and up until that shower I've had to take baths to get clean and as much as they did a decent enough job, I never feel truly clean after a bath (I suspect if this was a Japanese style bath that'd be a different matter entirely but this is a western style bath and that's... not as effective... nor pleasant.)

So, here starts the plan to get back on the horse. Going to see about doing sketches for the rehab as well because I really want to get into a better habit as well as keeping the muscles capable of drawing. The one I now have (the second one) still sucks as it's rough but a judicious use of the "undo" as well as taking it gently is helping.

Why did I blow up though? well, a whole bunch of things. First off, I take medication to control ADD/ADHD... and since that's basically legal meth when I wasn't "rolling" I would get grouchy... Second, the furnace/ducts were making an unholy humming that was amplified and really drove me batty... And third, well, I'm sure a lot of you know that I'm pretty messed up psychologically. So, all that resulted in a manifestation of sheer rage. Was it smart? no... And I'm paying the price for it as I type this. But it's a learning experience and I'm keeping the cast so that it will remind me of what unresolved anger can do.

And no, punching things like walls, pillows or heavy-bags is not a healthy way to "release" anger I've learned... Same with venting online or engaging in hostility towards other people. That only sets up in the mind a reward-feedback system because releasing the anger feels good but doing it in such a violent way reinforces the belief that that method of release is effective and good which then starts to feed back on itself... Until you have bigger anger issues than before.

But that's another matter though so for now the cast is back and rehab begins. So, here's hoping this will be a learning experience.