Been sleepy the past couple days.. I'm getting over the cold, but maybe it's still hanging on. I've been too sleepy to focus on much.
But the improving weather has affected my mood noticeably. The trees are coming back to life, speeding up as the days warm. It's supposed to be around 70 today, and the maple buds have doubled in size each of the past couple days. IT's smelling like earth and plants in the air. Finallyyyy.. <3
It's the green, sun, and heat that heal my mood.

Personally, I'm getting to a point where I need a big change. I'm too old to live the way I do and I dread becoming like my mother. When I try to be among friends, the reflexes of my fear are too much. I need to do something about it.. change it.
I have some health issues that I ought to make some appointments for and deal with.
The first summer session at the college will be starting later this month and I know I should apply. I've gotten so far already and can't give up. It's either an associate's degree in something, or a GED with nothing else. I probably can't afford a future with just a GED, plus maybe if I keep my GPA as good as it is, I might gain some scholarships for further education or something. I dunno.

I want to make my mark on the world. I have a lot of big ideas.. recently I've wondered about attempting to paint a mural on the little rock face across the street by the elementary school; it's a fantasy, but maybe it's attainable. I've thought about going to the school's office and asking about it, if it's on their property and all. Maybe designing something to represent and inspire the school/kids. I went there, myself, for 5th grade. And even if my city isn't perfect, I've still got some hometown pride. Why not make my mark here?

Another related idea is a desire to open some kind of art-related establishment. Maybe some kind of studio or club that could allow people to come in and work on stuff. Something to make the arts more prevalent to some degree. A place for people to get away from what bothers them and bad influences and express themselves therapeutically, y'know?

Those are just fantasies.. but I feel like I'm making it happen in a parallel universe. I'd like to make it happen for real. Maybe if I fix myself, I can.