[b]Paypal: Tigerwolf.2[at]gmail.com[/b]

There are amazing people on this and other art sites who go out of their way to help others - I know, because they've helped me when I've needed it. I just hate that rather than giving back...I have to just keep asking.

First of all, an update. The pain meds I'm on are working, fairly consistantly, as long as I don't do anything too strenuous. I have to be careful when I take them because they'll only give me up to two refills in one month, which comes down to a max of four pills a day - and on really bad days, two doses of 2 pills, six hours apart, isn't enough. I've basically made it work by forcing myself to DO less, but this also means that there's still no way I can get a job - even sitting at a desk is horribly painful after too long.

I have degenerative disc disease in my spine. This basically means that the discs that keep the bones of the spine from rubbing together are slowly dissolving. It's genetic, fast progressing once it's begun, and there's nothing I can do unless i want to undergo surgery that will A) be so horribly expensive that I will never pay it off, and B ) is all but experimental and might leave me without the use of my legs at ALL. So...No. I'd rather not take that route.

This results in pain similar to someone having rammed a hot poker up the length of my spine and slowly twisting it with every move I make. Holding still doesn't help - muscles start to ache after awhile of trying to hold yourself in one position. You don't notice just how much of your movement depends on your spine (read - all of it) until you reach the point where you can't move it without pain.

On top of this, I have severe advanced arthritis in my knees and hips - as if the pain in my spine wasn't enough, this results in hot shocks of pain when I move those joints. Any movement of my knees does it. My hips are a little easier to get around - it's only a few movements that cause the pain there. Unfortunately they're movements that are pretty much required - lifting my legs in order to elevate my feet, which I have to sit with them up for a few hours a day (usually I do this while sleeping in a chair in my bedroom because, thanks to my back, I can't sleep lying DOWN for more than four hours at a time without being unable to get UP because my spine hurts so much), due to fluid retention in my lower extremities.

Add into this arthritis/carpal tunnel in my hands, and eyes that suck more than glasses can compensate for, as well as nerve damage from my spine issues (there's that spine again), that causes my hands to go numb or (worse, in my opinion) be plagued with the constant sensation of pins and needles as if they've lost circulation. This makes it very hard for me to hold a pen or type for any real length of time.

Here's where the real problems arise. My primary skills are art - use of pen/tablet and hands - and writing, which involves again, either a pen, or prolonged typing. As the damage and frequency of attacks in my hands gets worse, I lose more and more of the ability to do this.

I AM in physical therapy, and am working to learn to use my hands and gauge pressure without actually being able to FEEL them, so hopefully I'll never lose motion completely. I can MOVE, I just can't tell what I'm doing. Sit on your hand for half an hour and then try to type with it - it doesn't...work right. But you can train it, and I'm doing that.

I have high blood pressure, due to stress (caused by money and medical issues). I have state-provided insurance that handles my doctor's visits, for the most part, but doesn't cover medication. My medications include a pain medication (Norco - similar to Vicodin) that's $45 a bottle, with 2 bottles a month. Two blood pressure medications which come to a total of $88 a month. A hormone shot to keep my system in balance that I give myself every two weeks, which comes out to $150 every 5 months...and I'm due to get that refilled this month. I had to take a half shot last friday because I'm out and haven't had the money to refill it, and now I'm completely out. The effects of that (everything from fuzzy-headed-ness to getting weak and sick) won't start presenting for another week, so I hope I can get my refill this week.

My endocrinologist is the only doctor not covered by the pseudo-insurance, and his appointments come to $150 every 3 months. Plus the gas it takes to drive up to his office, which is a good hour and a half away from me in good traffic.

Then, finally, on top of that, my monitor - which is a large, 27 inch Acer monitor - started overheating on me recently and then finally died. I was able to scrounge up a 19 inch monitor to use in the mean time, but it's...I'm sorry. But it's too small for me to WORK on. I can't zoom out and see the whole piece I'm working on, and it's resulting in substandard work from me if I can get anything done at all. This comes back to how wholly crappy my eyesight is. Which is horrible for an artist.

We're coming up on the end of the month. Before the month ENDS, I'm looking at nearly $200 of money I need to put out for meds (refills...yeah). This does not count getting a new monitor, which I still need to do but can live without right now.

The only art I can currently offer is recolored lineart of any of my icons that weren't done for commission. Examples:

Paw Icons: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13191486/

Wolf/Canine Icons:
1. feral paw: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10381575/
2. curious: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9600202/
3. goofy: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9601893/

As these are all just recolors, I'll go ahead and set the prices at $5 each no matter what. The backgrounds will be simple faded camo, and a border is optional, no extra charge.

I'm doing what I can on my one current commission, but as I have to work on it a tiny bit at a time, it's taking a long time to finish. I can't take any further commissions because I don't believe I'm able to do my best work with this small a monitor (yes, I have the resolution as high as it'll go - it's really my eyes).

Finally...if anyone can see fit to throw money my way, on top of this $200, I'm going to need about $1500 at the first of next month to cover bills that we currently simply don't have. I have less than $20 at the moment, and nothing to do except beg for more. So...please, if anyone has anything extra to spare, or can simply publicize this journal, I'd appreciate it. Thank you all, so much. You're my lifeline - probably the reason I'm still breathing, these days.

[b]Paypal: Tigerwolf.2[at]gmail.com[/b]