The plants and buds are slow bloomers this year. It's still fairly chilly, despite some pleasantly warm days. I don't think it will be nice out again until next Friday.

The "drones" are back out in the skies on clear nights.
Helicopters have also been flying suspiciously low in our area ever since. Including one that shook our house it was so low, a couple weeks ago.
I'm tempted to correlate strange things, but sometimes strange things are just strange on their own.

I'm still trying to cope with the final crumbling of a particular friendship. I can't get it out of my mind. But there are some important lessons I learned/reinforced from it..

On themes of trust, responsibility, socializing & friendship, thoughtfulness & consideration, selfishness & materialism, integrity, and most of all truth & honesty vs. lies and two-facedness.
I live to avoid the more negative sides of all those things, for my own self; because they've never led me or anyone I know to any stable happiness; and I thought that I might lead by example. But I only ever seem to fail to inspire, influence, or motivate those who I put the most effort towards. Some are determined to learn by trial and error, even though they keep making the same mistakes and not trying anything different. Isn't that a description of insanity? I'd more likely call it stupidity.

If someone so close, personally, is that incompatible with the more positive qualities, that they'd childishly sacrifice their identity to the negative ones out of spite & stubbornness.. then.. there is no point in me expending anymore of my limited energy on such a person, just to try and make them happy. Not if they'll never appreciate a single nanosecond of it, instead choosing to glare so disgustedly down at me from up on that giraffe of a high-horse and expect me to continue padding their massive ego. It's impossible to satisfy someone like that.

To step outside myself and assess my standards--I'd never let someone like that so close if I knew they were like that from the get-go. I know better. Why would I permit such a person to remain so close to my most vulnerable inner-workings if they have no appreciation for the value of them? Of my thoughts, my feelings. Even ones held for them. It's senseless to do that.

Removing the old feelings, getting over the pain, and learning how to deal with this awfulness anew feels like some aggressive cancer that keeps coming back in attacks.
Forgiveness was far too weak a medicine and only made it even worse than before. The cancer does not respond to forgiveness. I can't take that again. It's not enough. I have to surgically remove this tumor. Cut it out from my life. It's the only way, and it hurts. The pain is anger at all of the wrongs I've suffered from this person. I can only snip at this tumor a little each day, trying to convince myself it will make me stronger. I'll heal. But it's torture. I want it out of me. It's in all my cells and I need to cut it out and flush it out of my system.

Pardon the ramble.

Time to suck it up and go play some Wii with people who actually do care about me, you know?
Peace & hope all is well with any who put themselves through reading this, heh. <3