I really hate life right now. I'm tired of constantly working on big projects. I'm tired of having a full schedule. For this entire month I have been doing nothing but school work. It's split between extensive amounts of homework with unreasonable due dates and the flood of work I need to do to gain scholarships. From January to the beginning of April all I worked on was my Eagle Scout award. Which for those who don't know is the highest award in Boy Scouts. I hated every minute of that stupid thing. I didn't even want to get the stupid award but my parents pushed me.
Three months of 8 hour school days, then 3 hour long after school activities, then I went home to do 3 hours of scouting work. Sure the extra curricular activity was optional I did because I enjoy theater. I just wish that wasn't so demanding. Once the play was over it was 8 hours of school and 5 hours of scouting work. I was burnt. Then I finished it. Mom and Dad are happy for two days then they start to hound me about finding a job and working on finding a college and getting scholarships and grants. I needed a break and I wasn't allowed to have one.
So now its April, on the 5th I turned 18. Awesome right? I had to go to a stupid weekend scout camp and spend it with some awful homophobic scouts. It was "amazing". Now its been a month and my grades are starting to slip and I have to go to the middle schools in my area to tutor after school so I can get a scholarship. And I have to look for a job. But I don't have to worry about the job thing because my father already got me an apprenticeship with a man that I told him I didn't want to work for. On May 3rd I get to go and put down flooring with a carpenter. I said I wasn't interested but my dad signed me up anyway. He says "You'll build up muscle and be a little manlier, you can't have always have a girly body".
And my home life is awful. My parents always come home angry. They're always yelling at me for what ever reason. "You need to get a job, we can't pay for you forever." "All you do is sit around and play video games, you're never going to be successful if thats what you do." "If you fail high school you aren't getting help from us because we shouldn't have to support someone who doesn't want to care." But those arent the best ones. They yell at me because I am aggravated and I am not supposed to be aggravated. They yell at me because I go to my room for solace. They yell at me because I "complain" about the work I have and that's not okay.
Or I am just going to help with groceries and I tell my mother all the frozen goods are in that bag. "I know Kay, I am not fucking stupid!" Or I ask my dad if he wants help painting the dining room. "Don't ask stupid fucking questions Kay! Of course I want help. But I am the only who does it right so I don't want your help."
So I told them both that I wanted to move out and instead of getting sadness I was met with aggression. And I told them why I wanted to and instead of thinking of how they could fix these problems they just got angry with me. "Well then you will have to get your own phone, your own car, a damn job. We aren't going to help you." "Like your mother said. You're 18 you can leave when ever you want so if you don't like it here go ahead and leave."
And I can't go to school to talk about this with the people there because they don't care. Once I start to complain they tell me I need to lighten up and complain less. Or they try to out do my situation and they try to tell me I don't have it bad.
So I just really hate life right now