Sign In
Close
self doubts (depression related?) by spoonface
wow I sure love the feeling I get whenever I voice an opinion on anything I might get flack over, no matter how poorly/well-informed, I just feel like taking it all back and pretending I never said it because wow what will people think of me
why is even a problem. I feel the safest when I just keep saying positive feel good things without exposing the more critical side of myself and I begin self-doubting even before anyone even says anything. This is one reason why I rarely give art critique -- what if I say something that instead of helping an artist improve just repeats my mistake in a specific aspect? (tho honestly it's up to the artist to decide whether to follow the critique or not!)
whether it's because I'm depressed or if it's an innate personality traits, it's p butts and really keeps me out of more engaging and interesting discussions that I lurk on.
Journal Information
- Views:
- 355
- Comments:
- 17
- Favorites:
- 2
- Rating:
- General
Comments
-
-
Huh, a good point, I rarely even think of anxiety. though I guess it's me just minimizing my own problems ("I don't have it as bad as some folks with anxiety so I probably don't have anxiety at all lol")
-
I have been guilty of much the same. It's easy to downplay your own problems, but unfortunately, it makes them that much harder to deal with. Because then you use that as ammo against yourself ("well, gosh, I don't even have it that bad, why can't I get it together?" etc.)
-
Yyyyep. :c I think once I learned that verbally insulting oneself is another form of self-harm, it like. seemed to change things! but only momentarily since I find myself falling to the same harmful thought patterns time and time again.
-
I do it too, even now. I've tried to catch myself in the habit and reversing it whenever I catch myself at it. I'm better at it than I used to be, but it's still an ongoing battle. e_e
-
-
-
-
-
I can relate to that actually.
Not just with art, but when I'm expected to voice an opinion on any subject, it's so much easier to just stay aside and keep mouth shut because of the fear of getting beaten down due your own opinions.Artwise, if I feel the need to point out a 'flaw', I often try to make the 'critique' as soft and fined as possible. Sort of mask it within the positive feedback. It's a thing I learned years ago, but rarely use for a reason I don't know.
-
eeexactly :C no matter how heavy or how benign the subject matter, I just feel self-conscious about what I said and how I said it.
yeah, it's considerate to soften a blow, though that's probably my own issues with receiving criticism and heavy self-criticism that might project to how I give feedback (I say things how I'd prefer to receive them myself?)
-
-
I understand the feeling :c
Well, I know some people who hate to discuss with things they don't agree on with me. Then I wonder WHY I should discuss things with these people? As far as I know, not agreeing with everything with someone may also be an interresting thing, you can discover new point of view, make the other change, and MAYBE you're the one who will change. And on tumblr and on internet in general, people overreact a lot, specially because they don't speak face to face with the person, they think they can be mean, and it's so easy to block someone and stop the conversation, in real, walking away just make you like an ass, on internet, it's "okay"...-
yeah, everyone has to have the same opinions on everything, EVERYTHING, and it creates echo chambers of preaching to the choir and silences those who might hold values that are even the slightest bit transgressive in those circles. I think the fact that once something's on the internet, it stays there, unlike talking face to face and remembering what someone said. blehh
I don't block people unless it's for a good reason, usually if they're being a nuisance or displaying stalker-like behaviour, stuff like differing opinions would be a petty thing to block people over, unless that opinion causes active harm and even then, I don't feel like the authority to try to set the record straight, bleh.
-
I generally block people when they start insulting me or being insulting me on things that has nothing to do with the debate (like my gender, my sexuality, my skin color, my nationality, etc)
-
-
-
I totally know what you mean. So many things I've left unsaid because of these reasons. I think it's because I can be a push over, but also try to see things from other people's perspective so much that if I'm posting an argument I end up realizing their side before I post or just after and remove it or something.
I think as long as you express yourself kindly and level-headed then people should be respectful of your opinion.Heh, I almost didn't send this comment too!
-
yeah I'm a bit of a pushover too. like I feel like whatever someone says that seems more "right", makes whatever point I initially had completely void and I agree but I really don't know how to put it to words since I get caught off guard and just recede back in my shell and go through this mental cycle again.
I do try to be level-headed but some things just make me so angry and I just. yeah. that might be one reason why I regret saying things I did, because I was ranting and raving over the subject, blegh.
-
-
I think I know the feeling, I'm generally quite terrified of talking about anything negative going on in my life or my gripes about myself, because of how my social life has gone it just feels like I'm not allowed to, talking about it will only drive everyone away, I'm only allowed to listen to others, and yet bottling it up only wears me down, feeds my fears and anxiety until I crack and ruin everything for myself.
The same goes for anything I find interesting or important, but I worry might not be to others, even those with similar interests. I'm just too scared to try and talk about it. It's pretty much why I've been unable to ever properly commission something for myself, that fear prevents me properly forming the ideas in my head into words I can describe to others.
-
aww man, I'm sorry. :c that kind of anxiety sounds horrible.
-
I apologise for going into that stream of conciousness, I get into wordy trains of thought like that every so often when something coaxes the words out of me.
It sucks yeah but I feel like I only really have myself to blame for it.
-
-
-
This happens to me too. Then I do the thing anyway. I get the anxiety backlash. My herb helps, lets me get a grip and examine the anxiety as its happening to see what i causing it; this has helped me /immensely./ I use the herb to meditate/become more mindful. Still, I get weak when I have to sleep, like all the higher functions and logic kinda shut down - I can't sleep right, worrying about what might happen. All night I am working though the problem of worrying about a thing or, well whatever other problems I have, working though dreams or laying there awake in twilight. I write snatches of thought down. It actually helps me work though the anxiety doing this its just so draining for the next day. Eventually it gets so bad, that some kind of transcendent /thing/ happens and I end up getting this burst of freedom that is so good, it was worth all the suffering. But gods, it is so labor intensive to get to that point. I am grooving on that burst of hells-yea this moment. I wish I knew how to tell you to bring about a similar state of being; I don't know if its someone certain people can do or if it is something all people can do and its a matter of them figuring out how to groove on the mental turmoil. It's like a victory at war.
-
I also feel that whatever I say doesn't matter and won't change anything, so why bother?
Link
stokerbramwell
This sounds a little bit less like depression and a bit more like anxiety to me. Though the two are often related. Oh how I know. e_e