im really upset i dont even know what to do with myself but im really scared, im scared to lose my grandpa and im scared to lose my self control. i may not graduate, and im not going to college at all, so my whole family will hate me for that. like what the hell happened to their good little straight a's and perfect behavior child? oh i guess he grew up to be a faggot and he bullies people and cries a lot and fails all his classes and smokes and just doesnt fucking care about himself anymore. sorry, so sorry for this awful mess ive made of myself. i wish i could just get out of everyones hair. but i guess theres people who still want me around in spite of all this shit i carry around. i dont know how anyone puts up with me. i cant stand myself.