I live in a palace made of the swords of my fallen enemies, bound together by magical ice.

One time a e'freet came to me for advice. I told him to get lost and the result of the following battle is why most of the middle east and north Africa is a blasted sandy wasteland in which only lizards and mirages can live.

I command forty legions of Hell, have great knowledge of herbs and astrology, and can become all birds.

I have full base attack bonus and full spellcasting as both a Cleric and a Magic User.

I am a direct descendant of Oda Nobunaga, the Sixth Demon King, though I favor my mother's side (Marie Curie).

I own a baseball hat made of italian marble and enchanted iron. It says SWAG BRIGADE.

I once made the world's greatest sandwich, but destroyed it in a cursed volcano so that it could not be used for wicked purposes.

I stopped going to weddings because too many brides left their grooms to be my groupies. I stopped going to funerals because too many deceased got up and left their coffins to be my groupies.

I told Reggie Fils-Amie about my idea for "the Bigfoot," a pizza that was twice as big as a regular pizza so a bigfoot could also order it, and now he is the American mascot of Nintendo.

My motto has always been "Mottoes are for people who intend to impress people with their words instead of their kung fu."

I am Jay-Z's 99 non-bitch problems.

I do not fear spiders.

I failed at something once, just to see what it was like. I found it not to my liking and vowed never to do it again.

I come to whichever party I choose because one of the laws of all parties are that I am invited to them. Other laws are don't puke in a weird place, and always continue rotation to the brother on your left.

A trap has not been invented yet that can catch me, the greatest burglar in all of Europe.

I collected all the pokemon except Mawile which is a stupid pokemon.

I do in fact remember the 90s.

I lost the Presidency to Bill Clinton in a high stakes game of chance.

Every time I post a tweet an angel gets its wings.

I once yelled at a Super Nintendo until F-Zero beat itself out of fear.

I have my cake and eat it too. I also have other people's cake, and I eat that too.

My opinions on new movies are calculated in their Metacritic scores.

The movies Nightmare Before Christmas, Pulp Fiction, and 2001: A Space Odyssey were based on events that happened in my life.

I invented love to bring solace to a wicked world.

I have never told a lie.