So recently, most of you probably aren't aware but me and my fiance are in a bit of a... split or separation. Now I'll shed a little light on the subject and explain it in a bit more depth so the situation will be easier for everyone to follow and if you have any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm really.. at a loss with all of this.
So me and my fiance.. ex-fiance, whatever he is now (his name is William) have been in a bit of a spout of just simply not seeing one another. Honestly, it's been like this for months, and maybe almost a year to 2. But I thought we were fine, I mean we could have gone with seeing one another more often (give we live literally 10 minutes away from each other) but I was usually busy with commissions and he usually busy with work and school. (He's doing welding.)
So it came as no surprise that our time together was just.. limited. But it's not really an excuse for us to not make time for one another during the week/weekend more than once a month. I mean, ten minutes. Literally away from one another. Yet neither I, nor he would travel. I guess because we didn't want to inconvience one another. So I thought we were fine, he never said anything. Whatever. So one day, (about a week/week and a half ago) he drops this bomb on me. "I don't love you anymore", now this is shocking because come May 5th, it would have been 5 years. 5 years, nearly, of commitment and he text me (doesn't call, doesn't say it to my face. He texts and says) "I don't love you anymore." and a whole bunch of other stuff. Which.. caught me very off guard and has left me.. baffled ever since. Same with my family and best friend, they're all like "What the heck?" But on the same day no less, he texts back and says "I didn't mean it, forgive me. I love you." And a bunch of other things.. which further confuses me. As of.. 5 days (I think) ago his phone ran out of minutes. (he has prepaid like mine, but it costs like 10 per month for a texting bundle, and he's gotten his paycheck.. 2-3 days ago) and he hasn't fixed his phone. So I've been trying to message him on Xbox live, but.. he hasn't answered me in 2 days, or longer. I just..
I don't know what to do. I feel lost. I love him, I believe I do. But right now, all I feel when I think about him is frustration and hurt. I feel worried, and confused and just.. upset when I think of him. And I mean.. the worst part about all of this is - he hasn't told me one way or another. If he wants to work this out, I'm all for it, let's do it. But, if he wants to end it completely.. I don't want it, but.. let's do it. I want a decision, an answer, something to go on. I want something definite, something sure. But.. all I've gotten is silence for the most part.
What should I do? My mom says to pray, my best friend says to as well - and tells me I should go see him. I'm a little afraid to, I suppose, afraid to find out what will happen. I don't want to say or do something I'll regret though I feel like I have for so long. I have.. neglected him, mostly in my time and attention. But he's stopped doing some things, same as me, that hasn't been helping the situation.
Anyway.. any help, suggestions or otherwise is appreciated.
EDIT: Let me clarify a little, I seemed to have neglected that a little in all of this (It was late when I posted this. A tired and upset Mint doesn't tend to type super well.)
So William, on the day that all of the texts and what not happened, DID in fact come over and talk to me. But he didn't say much. He tried to explain himself, but it seemed like he wasn't even entirely sure of what he was saying or what he meant. I on the other hand was a wreck, having just been way-laid by the news first thing in the morning. Alright? So I was holding myself together, not saying anything about all of the situation (for hours, so I could speak in person and try and make sense of what seemed like a sudden attack) - my best friend (and roomie) had no idea anything was wrong until I told her I needed time alone to speak with William. She began to worry then, and she had a suspicion then. My mom (who lives right next door, we are renting from her currently) had seen me that morning (because I went to take a shower to clear my head and think in peace, and cry a bit. Mostly to let it out. Built up emotions do hurt) - I admit I didn't find much clarify between what little talking he attempted and my own questions, and words. We talked.. well sat there with one another for an hour nearly after he got off work. He left after that and went back home (he lives with his grandparents, mostly because they need him and beg him to stay) and left with his family to go to Cracker Barrel 3 hours away, while I stayed at home. Heart-broken, shocked, and just confused. But the longer I thought about it, the easier it was becoming to take. The entire day I spent time enjoying quality time with my family (my two younger brothers [one 16 and one 11] and my mother on Xbox. we played minecraft for.. hours. I was feeling better, and in one day.. that wouldn't seem normal. But, don't think me insensitive or just.. heartless, I was at peace with my father's passing (5 years ago) within a week. It seems crazy, but I have a strong sense of belief and understanding to let some situations (ones I can't control) rest. So come 10 pm that night, I was feeling better. "Maybe we need some time to think. Or maybe we were right for one another." and I was okay with that. At 10:35 pm he sends me a text saying "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Please forgive me. I don't want to lose you." - I sat there.. for almost half an hour.. unsure what to say because now everything hurt all over (as it had earlier that day). (Which harshly reminded me, I'm still sensative, and still hurting even if I try to relax and calm myself.)
So I said via text that night "I want to forgive you. But we need to talk soon. In person." to which he replies. "Okay."
A day or two pass and although I sent him a text or two, a part from a "I'm doing alright." he responds no further. I again press, texting "We need to talk." He says "About what" I persist. "About us, and our relationship." He says "Okay. Saying we will later after he takes a nap." Though when he wakes up, it's like 9:30 or 10-ish and I was running errands to walmart. So we ended up not talking.
Another day or two pass and I try to text him again. Another reminder that we need to speak, in person. To find his phone ran out of minutes. So I turn to Xbox live, because we both have it. (I have it because of him) And I message him there, asking what happened, if he ran out of minutes and was okay. And persisted again to say, "We need to talk". He responded, saying that he was fine, that the phone ran out and we would soon." To which I said nothing more, as of today, he hasn't replied back/spoken to me in 24 to 36 hours and has ignored my message.
So.. I'm left trying to figure out what to do from here. I don't want to go banging on his door, but I need to talk to him. I'm tired of being in limbo with all of this.
EDIT 2: (Regardless of being called a coward by a few ;P) I (still) appreciate you and your advice. All of it, I need what you guys are giving me. I realize.. something's got to give. But what do I do when he acts like he doesn't want to see me at all? Not even to talk? I sent him another message to let him know I needed to speak with him. But he hasn't responded. And he is online. He's home, I checked (went to walmart and did a little drive by just to see. I know I must seem lame or desperate..) but I want all of this to reach a solution. Whether that solution is he and I working it out or he and I going our separate ways.