My brain is really kinda working against me today.

I've got that... you know that feeling where it just seems like you're kinda neglected and unwanted, and no-one wants to talk to you? Yeah, that one.

I dunno what it is really.

Just now I looked at my contact list. There's so many people, most of them marked as online. They don't seem very busy. I even try talking to them. A whole bunch of them, over the last few days. But there's been very little engagement - I feel like I'm the only person putting any energy into the conversations, that the replies are very monosyllabic and frankly kinda empty.

Lots of people online, and many of them don't even respond to me when I summon up the courage to say hello. Being the person who says hello is frankly pretty hard for me, but I do it because its better than being lonely. But then all I get is silence, so... there's that. Its.. disheartening.

Often feels like I care for others a lot more than they care for me, too. There's not much reciprocity - not that I really expect it, or anything. But a lot of the time it seems like people respond to my kindnesses with... i dunno - anxious silence, or just stop talking entirely. What's the deal there? Isn't it good to be nice to people? Would they rather i was mean? =/

I dunno about any of this really. It's just clouding my mind and I wanted to get it out.

Usually I don't vent anything, i just bottle it up. This time, though... I kinda wanted to get it out. These aren't nice things to be thinking. I don't blame anyone, or harbour any ill will. I just need things that I'm not getting and probably don't deserve. I probably also need to trim my contacts, too... too many people who don't talk to me and just intimidate me into silence. I need to ease that pressure.

But, I'll be fine, I promise.