On 4/15/24 I fell back on old habits and checked, I don’t even know why and I was shaking but I was upset with myself I looked though her account till the site froze on me which I think was God saying “enough she’s in your past for a reason, it’s time to stop now”
When a plant needs pruning to help it grow healthy you don’t get angry at the plant and that’s all that happened I need to prune to cast out my right eye if it causes me to sin and all that

One stumble that’s all this was one stumble

To some degree I did as I said, I didn’t post art or photos to Social media outside of Facebook and Facebook groups, where I did waver is I. Joining a off shoot of instagram called threads

Threads is like a happier twitter and I did post some photos of slugs, some craft logs and photos of my planner layouts, so in that way I cheated the plan I had for myself

But it wasn’t a hard set rule. What was though was staying away from my trauma and working though it. I did bring it up once to someone and yes I did link to the artist and writer in question. But I came to realizations about them both, in doing that the dreams stopped, I didn’t miss the artwork as I realized moving on from the past means more then just the last 10 years it means old media as well

I stopped trying to force myself to be as I was at 15, so many doors opened for me when I let go of the past In all ways

I didn’t draw as much I stopped counting as well so that when I did draw it was what I loved and wanted to I came up with original ideas again and dedicated some work to God and Jesus stopping keeping track and comparing how much on paper art I was making helped it be fun again

I threw myself into fiber arts and learned new patterns even bought a pattern for the first time, I honed my skills and picked up new ones for the craft

I dedicated time and myself to God and Jesus picked up some daily devotional books and focused on what he wants from me and while writing this it occurred to me when those years started at 22 is when I started questioning the church i then became jealous and I guess bitter at artist and especially writer for having such a surefooted way in their faith and love of God. Now that I’m trying to do the same I don’t feel as angry that they are “doing it wrong” whatever that means focusing on I AM means I’m not focusing on them- at all

That’s not to say, I didn’t sometimes think about the writer and his dreams. While it’s true that it could happen much later in his life in his 50s or 60s Much like other authors like Tolkien or Lewis I feel the writer should consider what Gods plan for him is because Gods plan might not be to “save the animation industry and save Disney” like the Writer wants. I wanted to be a vet, a manga-ka, a book cover artist, and a librarian instead I found a job and passion I love in working at a thrift store/retail which was never my dream but it’s where God put me

The Writer needs to be open to that idea that where God eventually puts him (like my friend becoming a pastor or I at the thrift store) might not or flat out won’t be what the Writer had thought or wanted

But that’s was just my thoughts,

I also threw myself into my new job at the thrift store l treated each stuffed animal purchase like an adoption (some of those stuffed animals have been at the thrift store for months) each new clothing something I could use for myself or my family

as well as paying attention to the animals around me I saved crickets and June bugs, made friends with slugs, and cooed over Earthworms, I got into bird watching and identifying the birds in my area it’s so much fun and of course loved my own Dogs

I think the biggest Triumph though came April 3rd, it was 10:31 before I saw my first Danny phantom anniversary post, and yes for a split second I thought if the Artist drew anything for this day as it’s also her birthday but then I just reminisced about the show and my time following artists

That was it I then continued watching windagoon talking about Uzamaki, thinking about dessert and work the next day I also worked on decorating some parts of my 2025 planner already hoping I didn’t make a mistake in my planner of choice