Well I made an account here, put a bunch of rambling info about myself that nobody cares about in my profile... and then poofed out of existence. >.> Oops! It's been over a year since I created this account, and still nothing here. But I am still planning to do a lot here, really I am!

But things are not going well for me in my life right now. Among other things, I have this horrible awful feeling all the time that never goes away, (although sometimes it gets more or less intense) and I have no words to describe it and I have no idea why I feel it, what causes it, what it is, and I have no idea what to do about it! I have tried everything I could think of to make it go away, I've talked to doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, tried a whole pharmacy's worth of medications, tried relaxation techniques without number, nothing helps even the slightest bit.

And this has been going on for at least five years!

So anyway, I really can't do much of anything these days, because this awful feeling, (which I sometimes call tharn, a word borrowed from one of my favorite authors, Richard Addams, in his wonderful book Watership Down), keeps me from being able to do things I used to enjoy. It's like trying to relax and watch your favorite show, play your favorite game, read a good book, listen to awesome music, etc etc when you are totally freaked out and stressed out like something unbelievably horrible is going on right at that moment, that's the best I can describe it in a way that someone might understand. It's just not possible.

Along with this awful tharn feeling, I'm dealing with some other issues, which I don't think I need to go into right now, but let's just say I'm working on it.

So, that's why I haven't done anything here yet, I just can't right now. I don't know if I will ever be able to have any kind of quality of life again, or if I should just...

But, I'm trying to cling to a bit of hope that I will find a way to recover from this! (To quote one of my favorite songs right now, "please don't make this last forever!!" -- Falling in Reverse - Voices in My Head) And, some days are slightly less horrible than others, so, I may try to slowly, bit by bit, at random rare intervals, add some content to my account!

So... TL;DR:
I'm going through some bad shit in my life right now and can't do much here right now, that's why I've been inactive for over a year. I probably will continue to be inactive for quite a while, but I'll try to add some stuff when I can!

Until I reemerge from under my rock, hang loose!
--Meer