I thought I would have made more accomplishments by this time in my life. So far, I’ve only published one book that is still very much unknown to most of the world. My attempts at working on the sequel have stagnated so badly that it’s entered the Writer’s Equivalent of Development Hell. It has made me question if I should even choose a Writer as my main profession, but if I don’t, I don’t know what else to do.

I plan on getting an increased dosage of a medication that improves my focus, but I’m not sure that’s the problem. I believe the problem lies in the fact I am simply more interested in other projects I’m working on. The first thing is simply drawing Diaperfur/Babyfur art, in fact it’s one of the things I tend to make actual good progress on. While I am able to do commissions to raise funds for charities and such, this doesn’t seem like a good profession to create an impression on a world, like a Magnum Opus or such, that was one of the reasons I wanted to be a writer, to be remembered.

The other project I sink most of my time in, however, is the main topic of this journal. This project, is the tabletop RPG I made that involves use of Mecha from Gundam, Macross, Code Geass etc. Due to fear about copyright retribution, I removed all the material I shared online, yet I continue to work on it not only for my own pleasure, but also to play by myself as well, which I have done a small amount.

The issue is the project is extremely time consuming. I have to not only write data sheets for each individual unit, random encounters, developing new units, and abilities, I’m also working on a big Open-world scenario, which I’m only in Chapter 4 out of 23, and that’s not counting the side missions. I really want to play this, but I’ve had so much game building to do, I’ve barely played the damn thing!

The main issue is due to the fact I can’t really share this RPG, yet I’ve been putting loads of time into it when it could be better spent on more important projects, because I’m so invested into it. Yet, if it’s completely pointless to work on, should I just force myself to stop working on it? I should be working on something to consider my life’s work, not some silly personal hobby.

I could try developing an original Tabletop RPG, I do have descriptions for my own Mecha Designs, but I don’t feel the same attachment to them as I do the licensed ones. There’s also the fact I’ve only drawn like 2 out of a 100 of them and they are very time consuming and draining to draw.

So there you have it, why my path to find my place has pretty much hit a roadblock. Should I abandon the RPG even if I love working on it so much? Please share insight, just please, no rude comments.