Welcome to being in your 30s. The only thing that can make the pain go away at this point is the ability to let go, move on, and evolve pas what is plaguing your mind. You can free yourself of your mental prison, but you don't have to do it alone. You cannot suffer the past or future, because they do not exist. What you are suffering is your memory, and imagination. Coping is hard.. Really, really hard. I'll be around if you want to talk.