11:33pm

Ahhh, Mondays. I like Mondays and I'm probably the only one who does. To me, Monday means grocery day, cleaning up day, laundry day, an overall day off from everything. You know, because I don't have enough days off as it is doing nothing productive of my life. At the grocery store I looked in the 3$ movie rack as usual, not expecting much since I only find a decent-sounding movie once in a blue moon. Well, I hadn't found any in two blue moons so fate had it I found not one, but TWO decent-sounding movies. The one I watched today with a delicious pizza was Inside, a French horror movie. I didn't know the French even made horror movies so I was expecting something cheap and low budget but hot dang, the French know their horror movies. Usually I watch horror movies 'cause they're hilarious and everyone in them is retarded. All the horror movies I've watched thus far were American. To those who like horror movies, try to find a French one. Inside was not only realistic, but also reasonable. The following paragraph is a resumé of the movie so if you plan on watching it, don't read it since it's one huge spoiler.

----SPOILER ALERT----

It's about this girl called Sarah who's five months pregnant and has a car accident, killing her husband. Cut to four months later and she's an apathetic and anti-social bitch, thus we'll call her... Bitch. It's December 24th and she's due to give birth the next day so she tells her family to fuck off and decides to stay at her home for Christmas Eve. In the evening she gets woken up from a nap by a knock on the door. She looks through the magic eye and sees it's a gothic woman who looks like a young version of Morticia Addams from the Addams family, we'll call her Gothic. Bitch's never seen her before so she asks what she wants. Gothic pretends she had an accident and needs to borrow the phone, to which the bitch replies her husband is sleeping and that she doesn't want to wake him up. Gothic replies "Sarah, your husband died four months ago in the car accident". Bitch asks her how she knows her name and history, Gothic tells her to let her in. While in American movies, Bitch would let her in, in French movies she has a brain so she just ignores her and goes call the cops before locking all the doors and windows. She then notices Gothic staring at her through the patio door so she grabs her camera and snaps pictures of her. Gothic pounds at the patio door, cracking a small part of the glass, then hears the incoming cops and runs away.

Cops arrive, inspect the surroundings and interrogate the Bitch. Bitch tells 'em Gothic knew her name and story and shows 'em the pictures she took but they say they aren't good enough quality. They say Gothic is probably gone but that they'd come back later to make sure everything's okay. Bitch calls her boss who's a journal editor to ask him to come over later, that she needed her help to make a picture's quality better. She then goes back to sleep but is woken up when Gothic is slowly plunging a pair of scissors in her belly button. She does the only logical thing to do, she freakin' headbutts her in the face and jumps off the bed. Gothic slashes her face but she manages to lock herself in the bathroom and loses her waters on the floor. Gothic pounds at the door for a while till the boss knocks at the door. She goes down, answers the door and the boss thinks she's the bitch's mom so she goes along with it and they sit down to have tea and shit. Real mom then knocks at the door, see these two strangers, wonder what the hell is going on and goes upstairs to hear sobbing coming from the bathroom. She knocks at the door, bitch thinks it's the gothic so she grabs a foot-long knitting needle, opens the door and stabs her mom in the neck. As she watches her mom die and realizes what she's done, the gothic downstairs kills the boss and goes upstairs to find the bitch standing in the hall. She starts running towards her but the bitch stabs her in the arm and locks herself back into the bathroom while the gothic cries in pain. Gothic goes in a rage and tries tearing a hole in the door with her scissors but the cops are back. There's three of 'em and they arrested a mideastern teenage boy in the meanwhile so one of 'em's gotta stay in the car to watch over him. The two other cops knock at the door. Gothic doesn't want the bitch running away again so she grabs her hand through the hole she tore down and nails it to the wall with her scissors, before then answering the door. She tells the cops everything's fine, that the stalker hasn't come back. Cops pretend it's alright and start walking away but they realize it wasn't the same woman so when she turns her back they barge inside. One cop holds her while the other goes upstairs, find the mom's corpse and the trail of blood leading to the door. He tells the other cop to arrest the woman while he removes the scissors from the bitch's hand and tells her to open the door. While she struggles to get back and unlock the door with a pierced hand, the gothic panics, gets the knitting needle from her sleeve and kills the cop before grabbing his gun and rushing upstairs. Bitch finally manages to open the door, only to get the other cop's face explode from a gunshot and splatter all over her face. In desperation, she locks the door, punches the mirror, grabs a glass shard and sits in the corner while the gothic tries to shoot down the door with the remaining ammo. The last cop hears the gunshots, cuffs the teenage boy to his belt and they both go inside with a pistol and a shotgun. They both see the corpses and blood everywhere, teenage boy starts to puke and panic and struggles to run away but the cop tells him to man up, that lives are at stake. They go upstairs to find the almost broken door, kick it open and find the bitch all bloodied in the corner, clutching her glass shard and bleeding. Cop bandages her and tries to comfort her but the power goes out so he asks her where the power box is. Ends up it's back downstairs in the living room where the boss got killed. She stays behind, mentally broken by that point while the other two go downstairs to try and get the power back on. Cop hands the teenage boy his shotgun while he tinkers with the power box but it's dark and he needs the flashlight so the teenage boy doesn't see anything. He doesn't see anything but he hears his temporary partner shouts; the gothic is stabbing both of his eyes out with the knitting needle, leaving him for dead on the floor, convulsing. Teenage boy starts screaming and we fade back to the bitch, who's crawled back to her bed and is laying down all bloody on it, looking asleep. Eventually the gothic finds her and thinks she's asleep so she starts talking to herself, saying how badly she wants a baby, that the bitch's baby will be hers. She starts kissing her belly then slowly makes her way up and when she reaches her lips, the bitch seemingly wakes up, bites the gothic's lips off and goes downstairs while the gothic is crying in a stupor. She makes her way to the kitchen, grabs a curtain pole and a kitchen knife and makes a makeshift polearm (yanno, 'cause pole + arms = polearm :V). The power then comes back on so she turns towards the power box to see the cop facing the wall. She walks towards him, asking him if he's okay but he turns around, still eyeless and in system shock. He goes into a blind rage and knocks her polearm away and she falls on the floor where she sees the knitting needle so she grabs it and finish him off before turning away and finding the gothic. She threatens to kill herself and the baby with the knitting needle while looking badass. Dramatic music tones up... we see their faces... then the music suddenly stops. THE GOTHIC GRABS THE TOASTER AND BITCH SLAPS HER RIGHT IN THE FUCKING THROAT. Rofl I died, holy shit I fucking died and lost it. I LOST IT.

The gothic grabs a smoke and starts to light it, looking all victorious and shit but the bitch grabs a bottle of PAM spray that had fallen on the floor when the gothic grabbed the toaster, she points it at the gothic's face and freakin' spray her on fire. Gothic runs away screaming while the bitch realizes she can't breathe because her throat's fucked up so she grabs the knitting needle and punctures her throat to allow herself to breathe, before then patching the hole with duct tape to stop the bleeding, grabbing the polearm and hunting for the gothic. She finds her curled up in a closet. Gothic tells her that the bitch already killed her once, that she can't kill her twice. Surprise, four months earlier she was pregnant and driving, minding her own business when suddenly, a head-on collision with the bitch and her husband. Her baby died so now she wants the bitch's baby as payback. They start fighting but they're both in pretty damn bad shape so when the bitch gets hit in the stomach and starts dripping blood from down there, she falls on the stairs and can't handle it anymore; she starts having contractions and there are probably complications, especially since the gothic pins her down to the stairs, grabs the scissors and freaking cut her belly open while the bitch screams in agony, her cries slowly getting weaker until eventually, the screen fades to black for a few moments and then fade back in the bedroom to see the gothic lady sitting on the bed, her face grievously burned, holding a crying baby in her arms and humming to herself.

What, you thought the protagonist would win? Oh dear, welcome to the fabulous world of foreign movies.

----SPOILERS OVER----

Hot damn this took almost an hour to write, almost as long as the movie itself. Guess someone is gonna oversleep on purpose~

Also godammit I want my new cables to arrive already. I tried recording earlier but when you can only hear half of the song in one ear it's really a bitch to try and do it right so whether I want it or not, I'm on a hiatus till I get these damn cables. Thankfully I've already tamed Wesley not to go near my computer anymore, thanks to a spray bottle full of vinegar, AKA magic. Seriously, that will work on anything. Dogs, cats, ferrets. They go somewhere you don't want 'em to go, just spray a lil bit of vinegar and they'll run the fuck away and eventually remember not to go there anymore. But don't overdo it or they'll ironically get used to it and it won't work anymore; they'll just stink instead.