I can't for the life of me stay focused enough to do breathing meditations for even 15 minutes while focusing my mind on breathing. I hope it's not cascading onto other things such as work and maybe my own diet. Perhaps I'm being too paranoid. But then again, I've been known to be weak willed. I hope it is just a lull and this drop in focus is merely because I have been very strict on myself nearly a year now.

Perhaps I am letting myself off too much, though. Just today, I want to fall asleep and do something else while working on my novel. Yes, it smells like procrastination to me and must be squashed. At the same time, very little is set up between me and letting it all crash down and burn into a smoldering pile.

I drew the reversed rune of Algiz yesterday on my rune app. People might think that fortune telling is a bunch of hokey. Oracles do make you think and reflect if nothing else. As it says and I reflect: I might be pig headed and might be short sighted in this respect. I am also unprotected for the foundation I have been building is still weak.

I wanted to go to do more drawing because I touched base with another person from my old accounts online. I consider him a friend, the closest friend because he has seen the extents of my art on a site I used to post it to. I am happy to touch base but I started thinkiing that maybe I should start trickling in some cartooning. And no disrespect, especially because I want to.

Then again, I need look at the bigger picture. I may be giving myself an excuse to procrastinate. I need to focus, and I need to keep at it just because of all I've been through and all that I still have yet to go through. Many people probably don't have the faith to see me succeed. They probably don't want to see me succeed and can I blame them when they've seen me fail in the past like I have. I'll not dwell on that. Let them think what they might.

Let this novel be written and let it be the path onward to much fame and fortune. For I don't want to go and use writing to get away from reality and to get love but to use writing because I damn well did want to do it and still want to do it above all other career selections and paths.