It’s hard to remember exactly when I first started creative writing, I know it was in middle school. It was either inspired by parodic movies/ MAD Magazine, or it may have been when I first joined Fanfiction net and laughed so hard at Dreamnorn’s Spyro: Truth or Dare story.

My first attempts at writing were very bad parodies, with no humor because I was still just beginner. When I officially joined Fanfiction net, I continued to write parodies, but bit by bit, they gradually began to improve. I referred to myself as the “Master of Parodies” due to the volume of parodies I wrote.

When I accepted the fact I had become a Babyfur/ Diaperfur, I began writing cute stories too. I held little satisfaction in it at first, but the recent years have given me some enjoyment from writing them.

During my early years on Fanfiction Net, I planned to write a Serious Story: a Legend of Spyro Fanfic. I put lots of thought into it, I even drew sketches and profiles for all the characters. Sadly, I was too preoccupied with my Parodies to put any work into it. So it sat there, and it continues to sit there to this very day.

I also briefly tried writing a story about a Mouse after being inspired by the “Tale of Desperaux” book, but it was just a blatant ripoff and abandoned after two chapters.

As I progressed through school, my parents and some other supportive folk suggested that I use my skills to become a Professional Writer. For a time, I liked the idea and planned for that to be my occupation after Graduation. As my graduation approached, I thought about Writing and decided it wouldn’t be a good profession, as I felt it wasn’t a “Real” job.

In 2010, the Hub Debuted on TV, bringing with it “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”. I was initially just “meh” towards MLP around those years. When glancing around FA one day, I came across a picture of azuredragon ‘s Toroth drawn in the Style of an MLP dragon. While my avatar was still a Dinosaur at the time, this picture caught my interest, as it revealed to me that there is in fact a Dragon Character in MLP: FIM.

I remember searching on Youtube for this character, whom I discovered was named “Spike”. I first found the classic Spike from the 80’s Cartoon. This was followed by the Blue Spike from the Gen 3 MLP around the early 2000s. However, I had yet to stumble across the FIM Spike.

That changed when I was watching TV one day and stumbled across an episode of MLP FIM that happened to be playing. My curiosity caused me to give it a watch. If you read my Spike Tribute Journal a few years ago, you’ll remember that it was “Applebucking Season” and this was the first time I laid eyes on Gen 4 Spike.

Almost instantly, I felt a strange attraction to the show and began watching more episodes. The more I watched, the more I began to develop an interest in Spike. I still don’t know why I was so interested in him, I’ve discussed that before, but he became the main reason I watched the show.

Spike really left his mark on me. Sometimes when I was bored, I would think up Epic stories for him, such as him wearing and using the remains of Nightmare Moon’s Armor to become a vigilante or Spike just generally being the main hero. I really wanted these ideas to come to Animation, but I knew they couldn’t since they were just Fan products.

I then got a new idea: what if I take these ideas and turn them into Original Ideas? So I did, at first, I turned these ideas into a video game outline. Back then, I still believed that one day, I could make my own Video Game no problem. How naive I was.

Life continued for me as usual, I continued working on Parodies, drawing diaperfur stuff, and that Project sat in the corner for a little while, but I still had thoughts for it. Soon, my graduation came. I enjoyed my newfound freedom from school, but now I had to decide on my career. My Parents and some other Friends guided me to a website called “Coursera”, which lets you take free online College Courses.

This was fortunate, as I didn’t have a care and didn’t like the idea of riding to college everyday or having to sleep in a dorm. After a few months, I began taking some courses that I thought could help me land a career. I initially wanted to start a business of my own, but felt it would be too costly.

Sadly, my run on Coursera wasn’t very successful. I only completed two courses: One on Business Growth, and One on Video Games and Education, neither of which are very useful on their own. I failed one course about using Technology to improve a City and I had to drop out of a course on Nanomachines, because it was far beyond my abilities.

I guess one of the reasons why I wasn’t too good was the Lectures, they were so long and boring, I actually almost fell asleep during one of them. I’d prefer some reading material.

I was somewhat crestfallen by these failures and pondered what to do with my life. With some encouragement from my parents, I turned to the one thing I knew, Writing.

It actually goes a bit deeper than that. Remember that Game idea I made based on those Spike Fan stories? I did some revision on it and planned to turn it into a graphic novel. However, after only two colored pages, I abandoned it, as my skills are nowhere at the required level. I then settled on turning it into a simple story.

It was around this time I decided to become a writer again, and now I had something to write. I began work on my first novel, I temporarily had two chapters posted on Fur Affinity before I took them down since I didn’t want my real name to be associated with diaperfur stuff. It took time, but somehow, I managed to finish it.

I did little with the Manuscript, as I had never published a book before. A year later, I discovered Lulu and after some fumbling around, managed to finally get it publishable. My mom was so excited, she had me order 15 copies to share with everyone. I sent the first autographed Copy to Yosh-E-O, since his support was immensely helpful. It was then I discovered that the pages weren’t numbered. Whoops. Luckily, I was able to fix that quickly.

After a short vacation, I began work on a sequel. I have a whole series planned out, with at least Six books in the main storyline and some spin off stories. At first, progress on the sequel proceeded smoothly. However, I was saddened by the fact that I only had 3 people on Lulu purchase copies of the first book (and it’s still like that today), so I needed a way to attract more readers.

My first attempt was to write a Prequel, and post it for free on the Novel’s Deviant Art page, with plans to release a published version with bonus content later. However, the Prequel was significantly less fun to work on, as it was very slow paced compared to the First Book. As such, progress stagnated.

Later, my second attempt was to create a Short Story based on the Novel for a Scifi Magazine. This proved challenging, as it had to be under a certain word limit. I’m sure I mentioned this before, but near the end of this story, I realized that it felt “Stupid” and abandoned it.

Before I knew it, the Sequel fell into Stagnation as well, with me barely being able to write a single word for it. Some writer I turned out to be. Following this, my life was shook by some weird events.

The first event is actually a collection of several different instances. I really don’t want to elaborate on them, as it might make some folks here uncomfortable. I can tell you this: my anxiety was uncontrollable. I was scared, I could barely work, and couldn’t enjoy myself. The worst of it though, there were several instances where I was seriously considering suicide. I cried so much because I honestly thought it would come to that.

It took lots of Medication to get me back to a stable level, but I can still feel the Anxiety buried deep inside me. I fear that one day in the future, it might finally become uncontrollable and my life may end if things are bad enough…

The Second Event was thankfully far more Enjoyable. I finally forced myself to watch the My Little Pony Movie, since I still loved Spike. I had been avoiding watching MLP since my personal connection with Spike made it very hard for me whenever he was bullied or hurt. Nevertheless, I managed the finish the movie.

It filled me with inspiration. Yet, at the same time, it also made me feel numb. The movie was stuck in my head constantly, sometimes making it hard to sleep. I was unable to write, or even Draw. I just dragged on through life. It took more medication for me to get back on my feet, but at least now I’m getting some pictures and minor writing projects done.

After both of these events, however, progress on my book series has grinded to a complete and utter halt. Every time I try and work on one of the Books, I feel so uninterested and make no real progress. This has been going on for the past few months, and I’m starting to question whether I should still be a writer or not.

Every time I ask a friend or Family member if I should be a writer even when my project bores me, they just tell me “Just write when you feel like it” or “Take a break” or some other comfort. I appreciate their help, but I still can’t help but feel like a worthless writer when my main project is seeming more and more uninteresting to me.

There was an animated film based on the Kevin Sorbo Hercules series, “Hercules and Xena: The Battle for Mount Olympus”. Whatever you have to say about it, there was this one scene I really enjoy. It was during a song Sequence by Xena (What Should I do now?), and while I don’t remember the exact lyrics, it did have to do with her past back when she wore a suit of armor.

I kind of feel like that, lamenting about what I used to be, how I’ve become a shadow of my former self, and pondering what I should do now. I’m not sure how many of you are going to read through all this drama text, but I appreciate your time regardless.

The Point of all this: I just want to become a Professional Writer again. I’m like Kratos wanting to reclaim his Godly Powers. I’m like Jackie wanting to reclaim the Darkness. I’m like Twilight Sparkle wanting to reclaim her Cutie Mark.

When can I reclaim my Will to Write?