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I'm not that guy. by jonas
Every once in a while, when I add a younger artist to my watchlist, they'll tell me it's an honor. And I think, "An honor?"
I've been around a while, but I'm really not someone worth emulating. I won't lie, I appreciate the sentiment and the emotion behind it, but...ever see that episode of Firefly where the townsfolk built Jayne a statue? It's like that.
I didn't develop much of a work ethic, growing up. Early on I was labeled as a "gifted" child, and my parents immediately plucked me out of the regular classes and put me in the advanced ones. While I did adequately in them, I was basically taught that I was a special little snowflake, better than the rest of society. And being a stupid little kid, I went along with it. In the end, it's my responsibility for taking that message to heart. What kid doesn't want to be special? Where I actually fall on the bell curve doesn't mean a goddamned thing; in the end it's my own willingness to roll up my sleeves and get dirt under my nails, and that's something you have to build up over a lifetime.
And it's still a work in progress. I'm still learning, day by day, what it means to just shut up and get the fucking job done. Creative types sometimes seem like they stand apart from (or above) society, and I can't speak for any other artist, but I've learned that if I'm going to succeed, it doesn't really have anything to do with how well I can render light and shadow or natural structures. Those things matter, of course, but it matters a lot more if I can just get up every day, shove aside my gargantuan ego and consistently draw the lines. And I can't, not every day, not yet. I'm consciously building that work ethic now from scratch, but I'm not there yet. When I can keep a consistent, timely schedule on commissions, maybe I'll be able to say I'm a tenth of the way there.
My heroes are the people who get up before dawn and do the tough jobs every day, no matter how tough it gets for them. My heroes are the people who don't look or act like heroes, whether or not people acknowledge them as such. I'm all grown up now, so I can't say that's who I'd like to be when I grow up, but that's who I would have like to have been.
I’m not looking for praise or encouragement, here. I’m just telling it like it is.
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I don't think it's wrong, i.e. they're dumb or naive for looking up to me. If I can inspire someone, then that's good; it means I've hopefully done something right. I just...don't want people to see me as more than I actually am. I dunno, does that make any sense? x_x;
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Makes sense, but I don't think it's something you can control -- people are remarkably willful about their delusions, especially about other people. Best thing you can do is remember your faults and just keep on being you.
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I understand the frustration that can come with building up your artistic work ethic. It takes a lot of tenacity for me to work on art and promote myself - and I've got a full time job and a mate I've gotta juggle in there too! I don't know your whole personal situation, but I can tell you this much: if nothing else motivates you to draw every day, let it be the thought of dying never achieving what you wanted to artistically. You know already that an artist's practice is built over a lifetime; that's good, just remember that each day you practice is a day where you get closer to where you want to be.
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An admirer sees your life as an extension of the thing he admires. If you draw well, and that's what he admires, then to him you are "An Artist", and that is enough. Most common admirers don't have the time to know you inside-out. To you, however, who know the full extent of what you are, that admiration chafes. That admiration, pressed against the true you, makes your failings stand out in a way that normally you can ignore.
To make an analogy: admiration is like a bikini. It looks great you're fit and trim, but if you aren't, it looks awful and just makes you even more aware of your weight—even if your weight isn't that bad.
The only way to make the bikini fit is to lose weight or stop wearing it. To translate that from Analogese: You have to be better to fit the admiration, or stop doing things that make people admire you. Fortunately, you seem to have the will to do the first thing, so you're already well on your way. Good luck. :9
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A non egotistical furry artist? What is the world coming to! :P
Seriously though, I could not agree with you more. Although I am not an artist myself, I feel the same way when I am told it is an "honour" when I commission a little known artist.
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LadySnakebite
While it's cool that you admire people who work hard and get the job done, I don't think you need to brush off people's similar admiration of you quite so harshly. :P I'm pretty sure that everybody feels a bit weird when they meet people who look up to them. If you met someone you admired, wouldn't you be happy? Instead of telling people they're wrong for feeling lucky to have met you because you're not special, maybe you should just quietly make sure it doesn't go to your head and continue on continuing on. ;)