I will be streaming again tomorrow after I work at the warehouse again for no money.

I'm so tired, I feel like I'm getting nowhere as it is, and I'm already dealing with customers that file chargebacks and slander me and just...

God damn I'm so fucking tired. I hate this, I hated doing commissions in the past, and just when I start liking them again, all of this happens and my life turns upside-down.

I'm struggling a lot with my opinion of my art, and folks tell me I'm 'subpar' and 'meh' and 'ugly quality' for things it just breaks me like. I want to improve but how is that even possibly criticism so much as just insulting people?

It hurts me deeply as this is the only resort I have left for work thanks to, y'know, my body literally forcing me to be in pain 24/7, so even while streaming I'm usually in a lot of fucking pain as it is.

It's ... I don't know what to do anymore. I know you can't please everyone, but when people go after your lifeblood what are you supposed to do to keep from getting put on a Blacklist Site and shat on by everyone? When is defending yourself going too far and when is protecting yourself too much?

I don't know what's changed in the last 2 years, but I'm starting to wonder if I should just go elsewhere from now on. Yes, I get more favorites here, but I'm not pulling any worthwhile commissions from this place.

Thank God I hadn't spent most of my money on paypal at all, I kept most of my balance there and had no idea I'd be dealing with chargebacks or anything.

I mean, you always get that one customer that makes you question why you ever bother with art at all, but then you realize there's no other option for you at all without risking putting yourself permanently into a wheelchair and.. Well, I don't know.

Should I let this get to me? Probably not.
Did it? Yes. Yes it did.

Someone decided to crush my artistic spirit on the worst day possible and then slandered me to their friends and family.

I don't know if I should retaliate at all, but I worry.