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Thinking of coming back. I don't know. by underwear-ninja

I've been thinking of coming back, but I don't know. There's a lot of emotional baggage associated with the decision and it's not ideal, but the situation may call for it more than anything.

I left partially because I was dissatisfied with the community aspect and also how money driven it had become for not just me but people I once considered friends and people I looked to for inspiration or support. And now I find myself in dire need of money and support.

Things were actually going well for me for the two years I've been gone, actually. I did pretty well at my one job despite dealing with co-worker problems and was even working at fulfilling a long time dream of mine, and even managed to get therapy and medication that really helped me out. I felt like a totally different person and some one I could see in the mirror every day and be satisfied with the person I saw. But back in January/February things changed. I fell into some trouble and lost pretty much all of that- my job, my schooling, my therapy and meds. I couldn't even file for unemployment, and despite efforts can't even get food stamps.

I only bring this up because it goes back to my first point. I'm still not happy with how money driven and toxic the community felt for me, and the only reason I didn't come back sooner is because I didn't feel confident enough in myself to combat it on a personal level, but I understand it a little better. I know that not everyone wants to do things this way, that not everyone wants this to be so money driven but rather have to be so money driven. I'm sure there are other people out there who, like me, have lost a lot and can't get the support or opportunities they need in order to get out of the situation they've been put in.

I still stand by my emotions on the matter, but at the same time I feel life is trying its damnedest to humble me. I'm really sorry for how vocal I had been in the past and for my own toxicity. I'm sorry for the bridges I had burned and the people I inadvertently hurt. A lot of them didn't deserve it and like I said before we're just all in weird situations that make us do things we don't necessarily like to, and I understand that now. If I come back things will be different, the way I do things, the way I handle things, and so forth. I can't promise things will be better or worse for everyone, but if I come back I'm going to do what I can in my situation- the same as everyone else.

Assuming anyone wants me back in the first place.

Thinking of coming back. I don't know.


22 August 2017 at 11:32:56 MDT

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    If you didn't IM Opie, I'd have thought you died or something tbh.