I've been putting off talking about this, because it's a difficult thing to talk about, but I feel like I should get it off my chest, and that people who follow me deserve an explanation for my most recent absence from my usual online prescence, along with just a general update since it's been so long.

My initial withdrawal from being online much was pre-planned and started back in mid-December, when :userKef-Meister: arrived in the states to visit me for the winter holidays/our birthdays (for those that don't know, Kef is my significant other from the Netherlands). After he got here, we also travelled to visit my family back in Pennsylvania for Christmas. It was nice, but busy and exhausting.

After we returned to Massachusetts, we did things together and had a good time until it was time for him to go in January. We've had to say our goodbyes many times before and it's never been easy, but in some of the more recent visits, it wasn't too bad, almost as if I'd started to get used to it. This time was not like those times. This time I live alone, and after having had him live with me for a month, watching him leave by myself and then going back to an empty apartment was just awful. I became severely depressed, and stopped doing much of anything for about a month, including drawing or socializing or even getting out of bed much.

Then I started to feel better. I tentatively eased myself back into drawing, getting back to the commissions I had been neglecting. Slowly but surely, I was getting work done, which only helped to further my improvements in mood. But then... At the end of February, Kef's dad's health suddenly started to deteriorate. He was elderly, and had been having health problems for years, but they'd been relatively consistent. Now, he suddenly was having more trouble walking, starting to lose control of one of his legs. A couple weeks later, he was bedridden.

Then, two months ago today, on Sunday, March 19th, he passed away.

It's hard for me to put into words how I feel, how it's affected me. I don't think the brunt of it has really hit me; I think it won't until I next visit Kef overseas. Either way, it's been hard, especially for Kef. I've been trying to give him as much support, and as many distractions, as possible, but of course, it's really just time that'll help numb the pain.

So yeah, that's what's been going on recently in my life. But despite all that, now that some time has passed, I'm feeling better. I'm getting back on track with art again, and I'm aiming to open commissions and go back to streaming regularly again soon; I'm aiming for the beginning of June for that. I also have some ideas for YCHs I've been mulling over, so I'll probably get back to doing those as well. I'm hoping I can busy myself this summer like I did last summer and make up for lost time.

Well, that's all I guess. I'll make another journal when I'm ready to open commissions again. Thanks for reading.