Salutations all

I hope all are well
I unfortunately am not...
I've been very silent both here und on Furaffinity, so I thought maybe I should talk about the reasons..

To start off, I'm poor, unemployed und don't got a diploma
Three years ago I was kicked of school without papers, because of my autism, which, if you're wondering, is a slight case of Asperger's Syndrome.
I have been trying to find work, but nobody wants to hire me, because my Autism is seen as a disability, und not many people want to hire someone with a disability over here, no matter how light the disability is.
Now I've been in two guidance programs that were supposed to help me find work, but sadly enough both of them gave up on me und basically told me they don't know what to do with me.

I've been falling more und more into a depression as today's youth bully me constantly on the street as I pass by, laughing, pointing und yelling names at me. it's gotten so far they see me as the town's idiot.
Other reasons I've fallen deeper und deeper in my depression is the fact that my entire life was nothing but being bullied by others, just because I am little bit different than others.
The result of this bullying is that I struggle even more socially than I allready do because of me autism.
Therefor I'm struggling to make new friends und well.. the ones I have... I only got two left anymore as all of my other friends are abandoning me.... most likely because of my depression.

Above that, I have to live of a social security wage that's just laughable, 450 EUR a month, I barely manage to live with it, every month I'm under stress out of fear I won't be able to pay the bills again.
I can't go out to a museum, or see a movie, or just hang out with my friends because I don't have the money to do so. I feel abandoned und excluded out of everything because of it.
I feel so bloody lonely und it seems nobody gives a toss about me anyways... everyday I struggle to get out of bed, sinve I just want to give up und end me life.. I just wished I had the courage to do so..

I feel so fucking worhtless, useles und a failure to me, my friends, my family, und everyone else around me...

I really wished I had the courage..

Rasponov