Whatever outcome I get from the museum paper assignment, I do pray that this changes me to a better route of my artistic career.
So far I had shown stoicism upon even lack of views from my developing gallery here; this means that I am actually contributing to my road to an ultimate satisfactory end goal, that which actually suits me.
If the message from Moana doesn't suffice, then perhaps there is another picture that can break me out of the behavioral convention. I may still have an aversive streak against commission industry as of this rate, for the concept of payment may entrance me back to avarice, well maybe I could be irrational about it, and overprotective of my road... and I may face many confusions upon my many routes thought this art making career... Sorry, getting sidetracked XD.
Anyway, whether I follow and accomplish to satisfy or face dismissal of a relationship upon my saying no to a session, I often ask myself, because I get these existential thoughts and stuff (maybe no one will pick that up at this rate Haha but that's me), that "will I move on from that?". As time goes by and as I age, such mentality will turn potent, especially if I sit idly. Like the message from [i]Bambi[/i], the book not the movie, I do have to survive. Case in point, the creative artist (mostly visual) in me. Thus I must keep braving up and remain stoic upon whatever anxiety factor of the furry social nurture may befall me. The feeling my permeate under the influence of the offline environment, whether it would be university or employment to accompany family or a mortgage. I'm approaching another decade, and about time I can break out to progress as my time on earth allows.
Am I still in debt? Is my business yet undone? Yet afterward what then? I may be leaving my soul dependent on it (or so I keep thinking that way, but don't get that spooked, OK?). Could it be the withdrawal or the repetition keeping me acting like so? I often ask myself. My time could be running out, yet I believe I have some to use wisely.
Maybe it is the death of anticipation of mine for the result of my museum paper assignment for art history class... Yeah.
Other than that, however, I'm doing well on my visual artmaking. I am anxious to do more for my own...